“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (5.05): Welcome to the Dollhouse

 
 

Back in the autopsy room, Maura’s phone is ringing off the hook from a “Private Caller.” It’s the Gov, obv. Jane tells her she’d better hurry because an aide will be banging down her door soon demanding Rich Old Lady’s body back. But instead Maura is mixing a delightful punch cocktail.

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Actually she is setting up a test that has a long name I don’t feel like Googling to spell correctly. But it’s important so Jane asks how long she’ll need, and then agrees to stall for her. She answers the phone with a classic “No I called you”-prank. Maura thanks her for the “plausible deniability, the support, the friendship….the eye sex, the Totally Gratuitous Totally Gay Touching, the Ponytail of Righteous Justice – you know I love you in a ponytail.”

The stalling and the experiment work, because when Maura submerges Rich Old Lady’s heart bubbles emerge and we can all bask in the wonder that is scientific experimentation. Maura’s joy at science is just the damn cutest.

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Jane asks what the bubbles mean and Maura starts up on “kinetic and spectral electro…” and Jane says, “Nope.” Then she tries “the mechanism of red oxidation,” another “Nope, squared.” Finally she just bottom lines it. The gas bubbles means there was air in the Rich Old Lady’s heart which means MURDER. Jane goes to congratulate her with an, “All right, that’s my girl!” but then decides against a high five. Oh, please, like that’s the first time you’ve touched Maura’s wet gloved hand. You know it’s true, ladies.

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As the rest of the team starts pushing hard on this now murder case, they notice someone sitting in Frost’s old desk. It’s some tech guy doing a software upgrade. Jane says he is “kind of in someone else’s chair,” and he hustles off. But they’re still shaken. We all are, really.

Maura is lugging what appears to be the entire cargo hold of the Titanic behind her on her way to the classroom at BCU. Oh, you didn’t notice the luggage because you were staring at her legs in those heels? Let me jog your memory.

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Yeah, you still only saw the legs. She arrives in the classroom and a guy is in there working on the electrical system. He helps her set up her laptop, and he babbles on about some idiot who blew out the building’s electrical grid with his laser light show and 3-D holograms. Turns out, he was the idiot and he was trying to get his mechanical engineering class to listen to his lecture.  They laugh because, professor or A.V. guy, he’s clearly not suitable to date Maura on account of the whole “having a penis” thing.

Gay thing aside, I’m just not feeling this coupling. No, it’s not because Enver Gjokaj  is seven years younger than Sasha Alexander. That kind of age difference wouldn’t even register the other way around. Remember when Harrison Ford romanced Anne Heche? Yeah, that was a 27-year gap, people. Hell, Angelina Jolie played Collin Farrell’s mother and she is, literally, only 11-months older than him.

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OK, OK – sorry, got caught on a feminist tangent. Where was I? Right, he’s clearly not right for her because he is Victor from Dollhouse and therefore clearly on a mission to seduce her for nefarious purposes, and will wake up soon asking if he had fallen asleep. So relax, sit back. This will all be over soon enough. Bonus: Eliza Dushku might show up.

Jack/Victor has stuck around for Maura’s seminar, which is not creepy at all. Doesn’t he have, like, office hours or papers to grade? See, told you, suspicious. He tells her she was great and they talk about how hard it is to grade their students. Maura wishes there was a way to fix that feeling and he says, “I don’t think feelings can be fixed.” Wait, is this some sort of coded conversation about being gay? He then asks her out for coffee so he can show her pamphlets about PFLAG.

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