“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (5.05): Welcome to the Dollhouse

Then Maura launches into the real issue: Jane always falls asleep when they watch Downton Abbey. In fact, she’s never made it through a whole episode. Can’t you see them, just snuggling on the couch when the Dowager Countess comes on screen to a chorus of Jane’s snores. Jane calls it “meditating.” Good one, I call it “resting my eyes.”

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Jane acts miffed that Maura has never respected her “meditating” because it’s how she focuses. Maura says “the puddle of drool makes it hard.” Now, stop for a minute and listen to this conversation again. Best friends always bicker at each other about one of them falling asleep and drooling while they watch a show together, right? Oh, wait, sorry – did I say “best friends?” I meant “married couples.” Bicker on, Adorable Bickersons, bicker on.

Once inside, Maura inspects the Rich Old Lady while her personal physician paces impatiently in the background. Rich people always thinking their time is more important than ours. Jane is checking out the décor, which includes a pen President Obama used to sign the “No Child Goes Hungry” bill complete with a framed photo of the event. I don’t think that’s a real bill, but the “Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism” Act was a real bill, so clearly Congress is not above naming its laws really stupid things.

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While Jane is chatting with one of her staff, Maura calls for her to come over. Look, I know Maura is standing over a dead body and all, but I can’t be the only person who took that come-hither finger motion to a very dirty place. Something about the way she curls those two fingers on her gloved hand is…familiar. Yes, yes – I’m a terrible person. That’s why you love me.

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Jane was thinking the same thing because I saw that stealth eye sex. Flirting over a dead body, just like the good old days. Maura tells Jane she can’t sign the death certificate because the Rich Old Lady has signs she did not die of cancer. But she frets about performing an autopsy because of certain hierarchical issues. Jane reminds her that no medical opinion is higher than the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Um, not entirely true – does the governor know the Surgeon General?

The huffy doctor demands to know if she is finished and he can go back to his golf game. Maura tells him she can’t sign because this is a suspicious death and there will need to be an autopsy. The doctor gets flustered and is all, “Money! Connections! Power!” Jane then pulls “Police! Badge! Gun!” rank and orders him out of the active crime scene. The only things you can’t avoid in life are death, taxes and Det. Jane Rizzoli.

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