“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (5.04): Dykes on Bikes

Jane runs down to see Maura after her frustrating convo with her mom. And as long as they’re together they may as well also do some work. Maura has uncovered that Bob the builder died before the blast. So odds are he has a partner who blew him up to keep him quiet. Will this case ever end so we can get our Big Gayzzoli Ending?

Meanwhile, Frankie is explaining the prepper/marauder dynamic to Susie. Wait a minute, is Susie his rebound girl? Jane clearly thinks so. But I also doubt she minds. The more time Susie spends with Frankie the less time she spends being Captain Crotchblock to her and Maura. That’s what I call a win-win.

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Jane finally takes the open and direct approach with her little brother and tells him to just bring the girl around to meet their mama. But a sheepish Frankie finally admits it’s not a girl. Toldja! It’s computer engineering classes. He, like Korsak, is planning for his future. And he was only being so secretive because he didn’t think he’d be good at it. He adds, “Frost was the best.”

See, I’m continually impressed by how the show has handled the departure of Frost’s character. Gone, but not forgotten and happy to remind us in small, simple moments that he mattered.

Frankie then makes Jane promise not to tell Mama R. He doesn’t want to get turned into her own personal Genius Bar. Oh, buddy, I feel you on that. If I have to show my mom one more time how to open an attachment I’ll go all Office Space on her computer. Jane says she’ll make up a believable cover story for him–like he’s dating a stripper. Um, isn’t that more Tommy’s thing?

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The most important mysteries of the episode already solved–Korsak’s retirement and Frankie’s mystery girl–we finally get around to solving the case itself. It was the friend who called police in the first place. So the team–SWAT in full tactical gear, goggles and helmets while the detectives in their magical blazers–head into the suspect’s house. Seriously, couldn’t you at least give them a Kevlar vest to make it somewhat more believable? I mean the Ponytail of Righteous Justice is powerful, but I doubt it would stop a bullet.

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The team tracks the suspect to his shelter and finally get their man. And now all that’s left is for Jane to correct Maura’s pronunciation of “bug out.” (BUG out or bug OUT, you decide.) But before she can do that Frankie gifts them all with case-well-solved survival go bags. And because he is a good brother he adds some personalized touches to each. Mini liquor bottles for Korsak and freeze-dried ice cream for Jane. Though, much to Frankie’s chagrin she digs in immediately. Why plan for tomorrow when your incredibly hot genius doctor girlfriend will do it for you–and on a motorcycle.

Finally, it’s time for the ladies to relax and gayzzoli all over each other. They’re at Maura’s place, naturally, because let’s face it when Jane finally relents and they tie the knot they’ll live at the Isles Estates. They’re also testing out Maura’s new ride. Jane is in the sidecar and Maura is in her leather jacket. Oh dear, fan-fic writers seem to have gotten ahold of the script again.

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Maura has made them sidecars to drink in the sidecar. Aw, you two–stop being so cute. Jane’s is virgin, which is less delicious but no less cute. They talk about what they’d need to survive the end of the world. The obvious answer of “each other” is left unsaid, since it’s a given. Maura says she would need her memory foam pillow and humidifier and nail kit. Jane says she would need beef jerky. They are going to be a well-rested, well-manicured, very farty couple when the apocalypse comes.

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