Dear Jane and Maura,
I thought I’d take this quiet moment before it all starts again to send you a quick note. Don’t worry, it’s a friendly one. We all know you two are friends of Dorothy, this Dorothy and the other collective “Dorothy.” I just wanted to send you some gentle encouragement. I’m not straight – not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I love straight people. But being gay is just so, you know, natural for some people. Even the Supreme Court of the United States understands this. It’s 2013, ladies, love your love. And if that happens to be a raven-haired, long-legged Boston homicide detective, so be it. Or if that happens to be for a whip-smart, smart-dressing Massachusetts chief medical examiner, so be it. It gets better when you speak the LLBFF love that dare not speak its name. I promise.
Right, there, I’ve said my piece. Please continue living your lives and solving ridiculous crimes and touching each other in gratuitous and gratuitously gay ways. I’ll always be there for you no matter what.
Yours in solidarity,
When first we see Det. Jane Rizzoli and Dr. Maura Isles, they are working on their fitness. So much spandex – we love you costume department. Maura has started running again, with limited success, after going through with the anonymous donation of her kidney to her fully estranged half-sister, Cailin. You remember Cailin, all teen-angsty and terrible. Wait, is that redundant?
Still Maura went through with her Kidney Now! procedure and is on the mend. Jane cheerleaders her efforts, telling her she is more than ready to get back on the horse, that horse being Jane. I mean the doctor cleared Maura weeks ago for physical activity and still no loving. A gal has needs. But Maura is keeled over complaining about her procedure not really being minimally invasive. Meanwhile Jane would kill for even a hint of invasiveness.
Then she makes a classic Idiot Girlfriend Mistake and tells Maura how much better she’ll feel when she’s “back in shape.” This leads to accusations of being fat. Which leads to retorts of self pity. Which leads to defensiveness about motivation. Which leads to the phrase “whiney pain in the ass” being uttered. Oh, Jane, you just shot yourself in the foot and won’t be getting nookie for a few more weeks now. Of course considering you’ve actually shot yourself in the abdomen before, maybe that’s still an improvement.
Jane realizes she’s stepped in it, and employs some two-handed Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching to soothe her angered LLBFF. But instead she makes things worse and talks about how other people have noticed her bad mood, too. And now even the old couple on the bench know that nice lesbian couple is fighting.
Luckily a murder ends their argument. Oh, thank heavens for the immoral souls of our species. Jane and Maura meet up with TJ, Mama Rizzoli and Frankie at a parade. Frankie rolls up in his new “I-made-detective” leathers, while literally rolling his new motorcycle. Oh, honey, you are doing butch all wrong.