“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (4.16): And baby makes…UGH

 
 

Another pissing match ensues as Jane, Maura, the Senator, et al try to finally gain access to the victim’s apartment. The Homeland Security deputy tries to block them. Doesn’t he know three Queens always beats a single Jack(ass)?

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Inside they find a homemade tattoo kit and a landline. But everyone knows the kids today don’t use landlines anymore. Or still deposit paper checks. More evidence! More twists! OMG, just solve it already. Also watching Korsak banter with Frankie about technology instead of Frost is wrong and will always be wrong.

All the evidence leads them to believe the victim was raped. And she was being threatened as a result of it. The tattoos (her fiancé has one, too–which makes perfect sense because who wouldn’t let their girlfriend tattoo them with a mysterious homemade, nonfunctioning QR code for no apparent reason) were an elaborate way to hide information about her rape, and the rapes of others, as well as her own murder. But who was behind it all? Her scumbag boss. Finally, case closed. Jane wants to celebrate, but she is too queasy. Don’t worry, in about 30 seconds we’ll all be queasy with you, Jane.

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Maura arrives at Jane’s apartment afterward. Two nights in a row at Jane’s place? Is this some sort of record, Maura? Frankie is just leaving, and decides this is a perfect time to test out the stitches on his lip. So he plants a big, uninvited one on Maura. You know, I want to be pissed at Frankie. But mostly I’m just pissed at the writing. Like, where did this cocky, grabby jerk come from?

Well, at least Maura’s reaction to said kiss is priceless. Her face says it all: “Wait, wrong Rizzoli.”

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Maura’s sense of decorum and politeness keeps her from slapping him. So instead she gives him a little headshake. Frankie sees it, apologizes and says he’ll leave before they have an “awkward conversation.” Yeah, well when you kiss your sister’s girlfriend, it’s bound to get awkward. So, let that be the end of it. I mean it. The. End.

Maura lets her self into Jane’s place, naturally, and immediately sees something is amiss. Jane is getting ready to mail back Col. Beard Force’s ring. Casey has decided he can’t stop being a soldier, and wants Jane to follow him from base to base as his wife. Ugh, this guy continues to be The Worst. Also, who backs out of an engagement promise via an email? Like I was saying, The Worst.

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Jane tells Maura matter-of-factly that she isn’t going. She isn’t marrying him. She is mailing back the ring. Finally! The charade is over! Break out the real champagne flutes! Let’s buy a Subaru! Then she tells Maura, “I am not going to leave everything to follow him around the world…. I’d only do that for you.” But then Maura notices something in her hand. Yep, it’s what you think it is. And, yep, Jane thinks she is pregnant. And all the lesbians everywhere said, “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.”

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