“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (4.16): And baby makes…UGH

A meeting with the senator herself tells them the victim was an introvert, had lost weight before her wedding, was engaged to someone her mother didn’t know and didn’t make enough to have the $20,000 they found in her pocket. This sounds like a really weird episode of Bridezilla.

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Back at the lab, Maura and Senior Criminalist Susie Chang are processing the evidence. They’re not logging it in though because this case is capital I, Important. So privacy is important. Susie is also worried about privacy, namely her own. She’s a nudist, remember?

But Maura calmly, pointedly informs her that privacy is an illusion. One can only assume this is cosmic retribution for all those times Susie interrupted Jane and Maura’s private moments. She’s not called Captain Crotchblock for nothing.

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As if to illustrate the point, Frankie bursts in looking for Jane. It’s Tommy; he’s blitzed. So Maura goes with Frankie to the bar. What follows is just testosterone run amuck. Tommy taunts Frankie. Frankie grabs Tommy. Tommy punches Frankie. Ugh, boys – so freaking emotional.

In between it all Tommy spills the beans about Frankie liking Maura. And Frankie yells at Maura while he’s tussling with Tommy. It’s not Frankie’s blue-collar roots that should turn Maura off. It’s that he is a jerk. Well, that and the fact that she’s totally gay for Jane.

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Anyway, they fight. Stuff breaks, including their faces. Also Tommy calls Frankie “Francis” instead of his actual name, “Francesco.” Who needs continuity when there’s all this dumb male posturing to be done? Meanwhile back at the office big sister Jane is turning down a tuna sandwich. Well, we know something is wrong if Jane is turning down a fish dinner. Yes, that was a lesbian sex joke. Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

Korsak and Cavanaugh notice Jane’s engagement ring. They squeal with delight and ask for all the juicy details. Fine, they only squeal with delight. (See how stupid it sounds when you flip the genders, writers. Take note.) They also wonder aloud if the victim was a female Edward Snowden and fleeing the country. But all the squealing and speculation will have to wait because Jane gets a call from Maura. She answers with The Tone–you know, the annoyed one you give your girlfriend when she calls at work sometimes. Still, she drops everything and leaves in the middle of a big case because when Maura calls, Jane comes. Yes, that was also a lesbian sex joke. I told you I’d be here all week.

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When Jane arrives Maura is stitching up Frankie and Mama R is tending to Tommy. Jane demands answers and they’re kinda sad. After three years of sobriety, Tommy started drinking again because of their dad’s cancer scare. So Lydia left him because she didn’t want to live with a drunk. So add making Tommy fall off the wagon to the long list of things we can blame on Papa R. Yep, Chazz Palminteri really, really pissed off the writers.

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