“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (4.12): Strangers in a dog park

 
 

Back at the office the detectives are still talking about dogs. Jane jokes about Korsak making a love connection with a German shepherd. Then apologizes for showing her tell. Of course neither Korsak or Frost know what the hell she’s talking about because they’re not in love with her and attuned to her every emotion like Maura.

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The dog talk tracks back to a private dog park where, guess what, the husband of dead wife and the sister of the dead husband both are members. And the sister had a German shepherd on the same medication Maura found in its hair sample. So, like I was saying, MACKENZIE ASTIN DID IT. Well, so did the sister, but I don’t know who that actress is.

The detectives theorize the sister wanted her brother dead because he was trying to vote her off the board. And the husband wanted the wife dead because, and I quote, “she let herself go.” Seriously, Korsak? That’s your first thought? Now I see why you’ve had so many wives. But Jane digs deeper and finds out it was competition over a tenure spot and also the fact that the husband is a plagiarizing fraud. So they set up a sting at the dog park to catch the conspirators.

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Hey, there’s only three minutes left before the summer finale ends. You know what this seems like an excellent time for? Gratuitous product placement! Look, I’ll deal with the ubiquity of Dr. Scholls inserts, but I will not abide anything that cuts into my Big Gayzzoli Ending time. Will. Not. Abide.

But it’s not the sister that shows up, but the wife. Twist! It was the wife who made the deal to kill the other wife. And the wife is also in a relationship with the sister. Gay twist! But not really, because we called that Mackenzie Astin/Sister Wives thing like 50 minutes ago. Also, the show finally gives us lesbians and they’re killers – AGAIN?

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Case solved, now Jane and Maura can snuggle, yes? But not, they’re still dealing with Grandpa Mobster. They bring him to a home in Southie and he’s terrible about it, as expected. But then Maura tells him to shut up and take her kindness, so he does. No one says no to Assertive Maura. Not even grumpy old men.

Jane smiles because she loves when Maura gets a little bossy (e.g. the secret S&M room). And then she tells the most hilarious joke. Are you ready for it? She says Col. Beard Force will leave for Afghanistan again unless Jane agrees to marry him. Right? So funny! I mean, no one could possibly juggle a military career and marriage, right? Impossible! It’s a proven fact all generals are single.

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After Jane breaks the ultimatum to Maura, they stare deeply into one another’s eyes and finally consummate the season with some right and proper eye sex. Then they laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh some more. Marry a man. Hilarious.

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