“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (4.12): Strangers in a dog park

 
 

At the scene, Maura and Jane find wine, cheese doodles and weed. Well, at least the poor woman died happy. They also note her “adipose tissue,” which is a polite way of saying fat cells. Which seems unnecessary, but they characterize it as medically relevant and I don’t have time to Google whether that really is true or not. So I’ll just give them an unconvinced, “Gurl, I guess.”

The dead woman was a professor at BCU and had a weekly “Girls’ Night” in the hot tub with friends. Suddenly Jane’s ears perk up. Why hasn’t she been doing a weekly Girls’ Night hot tub date with Maura? Maura has to have a hot tub in her place. It has a yoga room, for crying out loud. The natural next step is a spa room. Plus, we won’t mention the S&M room in the basement. Not in polite company, at least.

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Over at Frost and Frankie’s murder, a rich CEO has been gunned down in front of his parked Bentley. Robbery doesn’t appear to be a motive and the garage cameras were out because otherwise it would be too easy and we wouldn’t have a show. Jane tasks Frankie with notifying the victim’s wife and sister, who also work at his company.

Jane has her own grieving family to deal with back on her case because a bearded Mackenzie Astin walks onto the screen. I think we all know what’s coming next. MACKENZIE ASTIN DID IT. I mean why else bring the half-brother of a hobbit and former teen heartthrob on if he isn’t going to be the Very Special Guest Killer?

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But it seems Mackenzie Astin and his corduroy jacket have a pretty solid alibi. So now it’s time to turn our attention to the sister and wife in the other case. They console each other with some Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching. Someone has to do it if Jane and Maura won’t. But they have an alibi, too.

At the precinct, the husband and the women brush past each other awkwardly. I legitimately sat up and screamed “STRANGERS ON A TRAIN!” at my TV as it happened. So, I could still be right, MACKENZIE ASTIN DID IT.

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In the interview room the sister (dark, Carol Brady hair) and the wife (long, no other descriptive qualities hair) basically admit how unlikeable their brother/husband was. Sister comforts wife with some more TGTGT and now I’m getting extra suspicious. Is this a sister wife situation, minus Bill Paxton?

In the autopsy room, the dead wife rolls in next to the dead husband. Jane goes to look up the woman’s faculty page, where her husband is also a (non-tenured) part of the department. Maura discusses the intricacies of university politics and Jane, pointedly, wonders aloud how smart people can be so dumb. Like, why on Earth would Maura take in the mobster father of her mobster father? Two wrongs desperately trying to make a right?

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Frankie walks in and complains that Maura hasn’t removed the bullet from his victim yet. Jane gently chastises him because no one chastises her woman, gently or otherwise. He apologizes sheepishly. It’s not like he doesn’t know the Jane Commandments already. No. 1: Thou shalt not be mean to Maura. No. 2: Thou shalt see No. 1.

But not being mean to Maura doesn’t mean not spying on Maura. Jane uses her own magic fingers (well, that’s what Maura calls them) to snoop through her computer’s personal files. She finds Grandpa Mobster’s medical records there. Maura can’t help but want to know more about her genetics. Probably just because she wants to know what her and Jane’s future eye sex babies will look like.

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