“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (4.11): All Hail Seitan


Frankie and Jane commiserate about being terrible judgmental children together the next day. I know it’s the next day because Jane has on a different colored T-shirt. Seriously, that’s the only way I know. Sorry, that’s a lie. Sometimes I can tell because Maura is wearing a differently colored dress. Speaking of Maura, she’s uncovered the cause of death – a lethal Ritalin overdose. Death by ADHD?

All of this leads us to Red Herring No. 3. I know, they got ambitious this episode. Which is silly because we all know DOUG SAVANT DID IT. One of the students complained about the judge on a Mock Your Advisor website and suggested she get death by lethal injection. Of course, Urkel Jr. didn’t do it, he just didn’t understand that just because you have a computer and the ability to hit “submit,” doesn’t mean you have the right to be an asshole. If only we could teach this valuable life lesson to the rest of the internet.


While Urkel Jr. isn’t the killer, he does have non-prescription Ritalin in his locker. So the little snot promptly asks for a deal to give up his dealer. And the dealer turns out to be the newly orphaned daughter of the judge. She gave the pills to her friend. But they weren’t from her prescription, they were from a bottle she found in her house. The plot thickens… oh who cares, DOUG SAVANT DID IT.

In the office, Frost complains to Maura about tingling and stinging he’s had in his wrist since it was broken in the garage collapse. So much continuity, now I feel dizzy. Maura says she knows what might help. Next thing we know, Frost is a pincushion. I’d say performing impromptu office acupuncture was weird, but she is a licensed medical doctor and also Maura.


Jane walks in and asks if a room filled with all of Maura’s masks of death is really the best relaxing environment for an acupuncture treatment. Maura assures Jane she’s fully certified and aced every single test there is to ace, which we all knew anyway. We also all know that DOUG SAVANT DID IT, but I guess the writers just can’t see it in their hearts to go ahead and let Jane and Maura snuggle on the couch for the remaining 20 minutes.

Maura has found that the judge was taking Ritalin, in pill form, for at least six months prior to her death. She was taking it, in secret, to cover for her narcolepsy. And her narcolepsy wasn’t in her medical records because she was afraid revealing it would get her thrown off the bench by the sexist boys club. Apparently she had seen a similar thing happen to another female judge when she was still in law school. See Jane scowl at sexism. Scowl, Jane, scowl.


Back in the kitchen, where the Boston judicial community believes women belong, Mama R rolls out her treats cart and finds Korsak. But she’s not about pushing sugar today. No, today she’s here to grill him on whether he paid off her $27,000 IRS debt. She went to pay her bill online and it said there was a zero balance. Also, good for Angela for entering the internet age and paying her bills electronically. My mom still uses paper checks at the grocery store. But it wasn’t Korsak, so he says he’ll investigate for her.

But there’s no time to solve that mystery because Red Herring No. 4 is here. It’s some guy who filed a formal complaint against the judge but isn’t her killer because DOUG SAVANT DID IT. But No. 4 does lead them to a conspiracy about a private correctional facility, where his son was an inmate and later died of mysterious reasons while on an extended sentence. He thinks the judges were taking kickbacks, but her financials are clean. Yeah, of course, because DOUG SAVANT DID IT.

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