But Jane does know something is up with her ma, and that it’s probably something about money problems. Still she has a more pressing problem to address, namely her girlfriend’s overnight transformation into an insane helicopter parent. Now she’s insisting Cailin checks in every 30 minutes. She tells Maura to be a big sister, not a second mother to Cailin. They have TJ to be second mothers to already. I can’t tell if Maura’s just listening intently to Jane’s advise here or daydreaming about the next time she gets to see her naked.
The sea-logged car leads the detectives to the victim’s identity, a doctor who was the director of clinical research at a pharmaceutical company which was conducting drug trials to find a cure for Huntington’s Disease. That is a lot of very specific plot information that we can now breeze through to get to the good stuff. The detectives discover she was collecting hundreds of off-the-books sweaty helmet pads from adolescent boys ages 12-14 who played hockey and lived in coastal cities. Thankfully it wasn’t a weird fetish thing after all. Just, as we Sherlocked out long ago, to test their DNA.
In a nutshell, the victim was looking for her long-lost nephew, who was presumed dead along with her sister and sister’s husband in a boating accident 12 years ago. Except the doctor never believed it was an accident, but that the husband killed her sister and then faked his own death to run away with their son. Whew, so much plot again. We’re running out of time. Solve this. For good measure and to motivate through praise Maura calls Jane a “genius” for her idea of tricking the hockey parents into giving their fingerprints during their interviews. A little bit of sugar goes a long way.
Bada-bing, bada-boom, they arrest one of the hockey dads who was really the presumed dead dad who had had plastic surgery to disguise his identity. And the Ponytail of Righteous Justice puts another bad guy away. Now, dammit, can we please have our Big Gayzzoli Ending?
Our ladies end the night sipping wine together in Maura’s kitchen. Yes, stop the presses, Jane is drinking wine instead of beer. Did the Blue Moon endorsement contract run out? Because we know Maura’s a good enough girlfriend to stock plenty of her lady’s favorite brew in the fridge.
The women share their Big Lesbian Feelings about the beauty of familiar love. And then Cailin comes in to complete their familiar picture. She asks for a glass of wine from big sis, then teases her about knowing a guy who can get her a six-pack. Drink Jane’s beer from the refrigerator, girl. They’ll never miss it because you know those two are going to “bed” as soon as they’re done with that wine. Good thing they ordered take-out, because they’re definitely eating in tonight. Ahem.