What do you get when you cross a hockey mom with a pitbull attitude? Wait, wait – I think I know this one. The answer is Sarah Palin. Shoot, really, I got that wrong? The correct answer is a bloody nose. At least that’s what the woman with the rolling briefcase gets when she tangles with Agro Hockey Mom at a youth league match. As if getting hit by Palin Jr. wasn’t bad enough, someone sneaks up behind her and slits her throat. The fake blood budget on this episode must have been through the roof.
Back in Maura’s closet, the intervention continues. The first step is admitting it. I’m a homosexual and I don’t need this many pairs of black high heels. Mama Rizzoli and Jane are there for moral support. Jane still has on the walking boot, so all it took was a real-life broken ankle and torn ligament to get some continuity on this show.
Mama R is helping her “clear the clutter” and cleanse her soul of her internalized homophobia/overabundance of shoes. Maura has actually hired her because these are the things you to do ingratiate yourself with your mother-in-law. Jane is there too because, of course she is.
They move on to Maura’s dresses and she refuses to part with a blue dress because she had it tailored. Jane remembers being with Maura three years ago when she bought it because, of course she does. By the way she’s sitting, Jane is also remembering what she and Maura were doing together in the closet before Mama R arrived. She’s even making a remarkably similar face.
Her sweet memories get interrupted by the doorbell. Too bad, because it’s going to be a while before Jane will get to make that face again if she keeps calling the dresses in Maura’s closet “frumpy frocks.” Though to her credit she also tells Maura she doesn’t have to pay her mom to get on her good side. She’s already letting her mother-in-law live at her house. That’s above and beyond the bounds of being a good girlfriend.
At the door, more family drama arrives. It’s Cailin, Maura’s college-aged half sister/recipient of half of her kidneys. Jane and Maura’s faces telegraphs the sad realization that there will definitely be no more nookie tonight at the Isles Estates. A mom and a sister under the same roof is just too much to overcome for any couple.
Cailin mopes in and drops her bags like she lives there already. Her mom is in Italy and all she got was this stupid T-shirt to wear while she is studying for finals. Then she asks if she can crash with Maura for a few days. Maura instinctively glances over at Jane. She gives her that, “I’m sorry, honey, I have to. I promise to make it up with lots of loud role-playing once she leaves.” Cailin says her mom hired a babysitter which is just so lamesville. Jane thinks having to host a 19-year-old in her girlfriend’s house is lamesville. Maura says OK, only to learn after saying yes that it’ll be a three-week stay. Guess who’s freaking out now.
I mean, have your half-sister over for a couple days is one thing. Be forced to go to your girlfriend’s cramped condo for naked sexytimes for the next three weeks is entirely another. Just then the thump-thump, blare-blare of a 19-year-old’s music fills Maura’s home. And while she acts annoyed by the uninvited 100 decibels, secretly we know Maura is thrilled. This means they’ll get to sneak in some naughty stuff after all. I mean, who can hear a little moaning over all that racket?
At the parking garage crime scene, the fellas are looking over the dearly departed’s decidedly drenched in blood body. Frankie takes Jane and Maura’s tardiness to the site – guess they decided to get in a quickie as long as the music is playing anyway – as an opportunity to get some training.