“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (4.06): I threw my coffee for you

But things couldn’t possibly get worse, right? Oh, shit, is that a hole in Jane’s wall? And her water still doesn’t work? And she just got served lawsuit papers from Wannabe Alex Vause? You know, there’s only one solution for such a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. It’s a nice hot shower with Dr. Maura Isles.

Mama Rizzoli tells Korsak that’s exactly what Jane is doing when he arrives at the Isles Estates to look over the lawsuit papers. Wannabe Alex Vause is asking for $500,000 in damages. Mama R is worried Jane will have to sell her condo. Oh, come on, you know she’d love it if Jane sold her place and finally moved in with Maura. Both daughters under one roof? It’s like mom heaven. She toasts to that future with Korsak, but just to not seem over-eager sets up a collection for Jane’s legal defense fund, too.

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After their nice hot – so hot – shower, Jane does some post-coital stretching. Remember, a proper cool-down ritual is vital to avoid cramping. Jane is stretched over an exercise ball while wearing a tank top. Thank you, Rizzoli & Isles crew, thank you so much. Maura walks into the yoga room in her silky pajamas and appreciates the view.

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Jane tells her her back hurts. See, everyone thinks shower sex is going to be so amazing but half the time it’s someone freezing just outside of the water’s reach and the other half it’s someone slipping while trying to gain needed traction. Not that that’s ever happened to me. Moving on. Jane tells her girlfriend to take a deep, cleansing breath and focus on their trip to Poontown. See, doesn’t everything seem better?

Jane said she’d like to focus, but Maura keeps vibrating. See, you are remembering, Jane. Unfortunately, this time the good vibrations are just Senior Criminalist Susie Chang. Crotchblocking via text now, I see.

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Back on the case, someone tried to break into Old Man Hoarder’s basement overnight. The detectives suspect whoever murdered the garbage man was after something in his basement. But what? Probably not the coffee machine that made the coffee that is now in the four coffee cups on Jane’s desk marked “Jane,” “Toss @ Stranger,” “(Wannabe Alex Vause)” and Maura. See, now everyone in the department knows Jane will throw her coffee for Maura. That’s even better than pie.

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Frost and Frankie find one of hockey great Bobby Orr’s skates in Old Man Hoarder’s basement, and follow the logic back to the nosey neighbor. I mean, real men don’t bring other real men lemonade for no reason, apparently. They bring him in and he admits to the stealing but not the killing. Because there are still like 15 minutes left, plenty of time to find the real killer and still have a cute #gayzzoli ending.

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