“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (4.04): Orange Is the New Rizzles


Jane starts to work a new theory that Maura was drugged and made to do something against her will. But what? Guess about a cause of death? Deliver an opinion of a foreign substance before chemical tests can be run? Wear white after Labor Day? The detectives piece together that Fake Dr. Asshole found out about Maura’s likes and dislikes from her profile in La Femme Vivant magazine. And now all the lesbians run off to get a subscription to La Femme Vivant magazine and its counterpart, La Butch Forte. Jane is the August covergirl, naturally.


The victim was after her security ID, and wanted something from inside the Medical Examiner’s department. You can bet it wasn’t a lifetime supply of latex gloves. Which is good because Jane already smuggled like a dozen boxes of those for, um, personal use. Nope, what he wanted was some bones that were discovered recently. Time to call Dr. Temperance Brennan.

The bones belonged to a model who disappeared 10 months ago. A closer examination by Maura via Skype shows there was a fetal collarbone amid the remains. Maura and Jane are clearly Skype experts. They use it when Maura is away at medical conferences because sometimes simple phone sex isn’t enough. You should see the SnapChats they send each other during work.


Maura presses Susie for more information. Like mother, like daughter. Could Fake Dr. Asshole and the model have been killed in the same way? A fluoroscope shows they both have crushed hyoid bones and a distinctive three-pronged marking. That’s not consistent with one of Maura’s killer elbow strikes. Jane tells Susie Maura would be proud of her. Senior Criminologist Chang chokes up a bit. She says Maura is her hero. And then quickly adds Jane, too, because Jane is scary and legally carries a firearm.

Oh, Susie. We just want you to be able to get back to your endearing crotchblocky ways where you show up just when things are getting good between Jane and Maura and we all yell, “SUSIE!” at the top of our lungs at our screens. You know, like normal.


Have you noticed the masterful thing the Rizzoli & Isles writers have done this episode. Each week we’re like, “Homicide-schmomicide. Bring on the Adorable Bickersons!” But this week we have to pay attention to the case because the case is about the Adorable Bickersons and preventing them from adorably bickering. I see what you’ve done there, show. Sneaky. Very sneaky.

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