“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (4.04): Orange Is the New Rizzles

TV news gets wind of the story and runs with it because it has everything you’d want in a juicy scandal – sex, violence, gangs and amazing hair porn. A distraught Jane runs into Frankie who asks her immediately about Maura. And then how she is doing. See, such a good little brother. He absolutely marches with PFLAG in the parade every year.


Just then Maura comes down from the elevator escorted by two officers. Jane asks if she should call her a lawyer (OMG, you haven’t already?) and her parents (Voluntary offer to contact the in-laws? She is a good girlfriend after all). Then, being practical, Jane tries to slip in a quickie eye sex session. You never know how long it will be until they get another chance, so you have to take your opportunities when you can. Maura’s unsure at first, so many people are watching. But when she’s led away she can’t help but look back once more.


Mama Rizzoli is also fretting. Susie sidles up to her counter, asking for scotch. But then quickly concedes that she doesn’t drink scotch. Admit it, if you landed in the Rizzoli & Isles universe you’d also be Susie. You’d pop up at inopportune times – like say when Jane and Maura had a really good flirt going – just to have a front-row seat to the gloriousness of them. And, like Susie, if anything bad happened you’d be despondent and ask for scotch, but secretly just want a warm, full-fat beverage and a plate full of fries to make you feel better. OK, you probably wouldn’t be a nudist. But I don’t know you that well so who knows.


Mama R pumps poor Susie for info on the case. Susie says if she was a guesser, which she isn’t because Dr. Isles taught her well, she would say a single powerful punch to the trachea probably did him in. This makes Mama R’s eyes widen. Hey, weren’t you the one proclaiming her innocence from the hilltops mere seconds ago? Don’t lose that feeling, lady.

No Rizzoli & Isles episode is complete with out a requisite Red Herring No. 1, so the wife of Fake Dr. Asshole arrives to fill that role. But she didn’t do it on account of the fact she’s a professional happy endings giver and was with a client named “John.” I don’t make this stuff up, I just report the facts. Jane is frustrated by their lack of leads, and sighs that they need a break to help Maura. You know, not to be crass but a happy ending might help you relax right about now. Just saying.


Her mother has the exact opposite idea – about breaks, not happy endings. She walks into Lt. Cavanaugh’s office with something to show him. She pulls out her cellphone and hands it to him. OK, hold up. Wait a minute. Stop. Everyone just stop. Mama Rizzoli, this is your daughter-in-law. The woman your daughter loves. The woman who has given you a home. The woman whose home you use for all of your family celebrations. This is not OK. This is the opposite of OK. You don’t serve up loved ones on a platter.

Her cellphone video shows Maura demonstrating self-defense techniques. This one in particular is how to break a board with your forearm. Yes, this all looks terribly bad for Maura. But it must also be noted that it looks terribly badass of Maura.

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