“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (4.04): Orange Is the New Rizzles


The team has to bring Maura in for questioning. Jane can’t stand it. I mean, if it was your girlfriend could you? But she insists on doing the questioning herself.  I’d like to point out that even if they weren’t so obviously a couple, police procedure would never allow friends–let alone LLBFFs–to interview one another in a murder investigation.


Heck, let’s face it, half the department would have have to recuse itself. Frost is partners with Maura’s girlfriend. Korsak is her gardening tip buddy. And Lt. Cavanaugh, well, he’s hooking up with Jane’s mom who happens to live at Maura’s house. Conflict of interest, thy name is the homicide detective’s unit.

But after four years of watching a show about a tomboy homicide detective and her fashionista medical examiner LLBFF who solve crimes together and sometimes sleep in the same bed, we’ve learned a thing or two about suspension of disbelief. So Jane goes in to grill Maura, but it’s more like a light sautéing filled with sympathetic eye snuggles to make the process less painful for both of them.


Maura, poor thing, she can’t remember a thing. She remembers Dr. Asshole ordering her favorite wine. She remembers wanting to take a taxi home. Then she remembers him blowing her a kiss. Well, considering his area of medical expertise, I guess that’s more considerate than a handshake. But guess what a background probe (I couldn’t resist) on him discovers? He’s not a butt doctor at all. He’s a club bouncer. So the asshole part is probably still right, just not the doctor part.

Maura can’t fill Jane in on much more about that night. She’s fuzzy and frazzles. They order a toxicology screening and rape kit. I know that last bit was for realism, but I just cringed as they said it. That’s a little too much hard truth in my good times gayzzoli, thank you very much. Maura remembers something and admits to being in Fake Dr. Asshole’s car. OK, at this point, wouldn’t Jane do the old “Cough, cough, askforalawyer, cough” routine so Maura will stop incriminating herself?


Things only get worse when she takes off her jacket, revealing a series of bruises on her forearms. Being the impeccable doctor that she is, Maura identifies them as offensive in nature and then wonders aloud if she attacked the victim. I mean it, hack up a lung if you need to, Jane, but let her know she needs to ask for a lawyer.

Look, I know this next part where they collect Maura’s clothes for processing is supposed to be all serious and poignant and heartbreaking. And, don’t get me wrong, it is. Sasha Alexander sells the hell out of this episode with her sad, lost eyes. But then there’s also the small issue of Sasha Alexander stripping down to her black bra and panties. I’m not saying I’m a horrible pervert who rewound that scene three times or possibly more. I’m just saying it happened.

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Of course, leave it to Senior Criminalist/Captain Crotchblock Susie Chang to be there. Though instead of being annoyed by her presence, I feel sorry for her. She doesn’t want to be there and knows these sorts of moments should be reserved for Jane and Maura in private with or without a photographer present. What? Sometimes people want to capture the moment. Also, Susie, I see you checking out Maura’s abs.


Maura says she now has a better understanding of how humiliating the process is for suspects. Jane apologizes. Reassures Maura that she didn’t do it. And then tells her to stop talking. Finally! Jane, this is the one time you can tell Maura to shut up and you’re actually being a good girlfriend. Seize the moment.

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