“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (4.04): Orange Is the New Rizzles


Against her better judgment Maura stays and has another glass of wine with him. I like how the producers of Rizzoli & Isles have just given up and gone ahead and given the male romantic interest an actual beard. Also it’s good to know Maura continues her terrible taste in men. A serial killer. A fratricidist. An international fugitive. A Giovanni.  And now Dr. Asshole, who is too cheap for valet.


The next morning Jane is at Maura’s place looking for her. I guess every once in a while Jane still uses her own apartment. Mama Rizzoli says Maura came home super late, but she’s probably fine because they’ve been watching Karate Kid together and they’re both experts in Wash On, Wash Off now. Or is that Paint the Fence?


Jane acts thoroughly impressed because sometimes it’s just easier to appease your mom. But now she’s starting to worry about Maura so she calls her and lo and behold a ringing comes from the couch. Who is lying there in a huddle but Maura, with smudged eyeliner and unruly bedhead. I know she’s supposed to look terrible and hungover, but you know you’d still hit that.


At first it’s funny, because a disheveled Dr. Maura Isles is basically an oxymoron. But then it’s not funny. Because Maura isn’t just hungover, she is out of it entirely. She doesn’t know where she’s been. She doesn’t know if she’s OK. Jane kneels down and puts her hand on Maura’s knee. I think fixing this will take more than a Bloody Mary and a greasy breakfast.

But ever the professional, she soldiers on. Dead bodies wait for no hangover, no matter how vicious. But you can tell she’s not herself because she’s having trouble putting on the latex gloves around Jane. Normally those things just slide on in her presence, if you know what I mean. Safety first, kids.


The body is slumped over the wheel of a junky old Chevy. Maura begins to examine it and then, damn, does that beard look familiar? Yep, it’s Dr. Asshole. I told you Maura is just the worst at picking her beards. He has taken a nasty punch to the throat. Frost finds Maura’s ID badge on the floorboard and everyone is like, “Really, you left with this guy instead of Det. Jane Rizzoli?” Confusion abounds, especially from Maura.


Naturally, this development causes much consternation among the ranks. Like, hold on, isn’t she gay? Also there’s the scandal of the daughter of Paddy Doyle potentially taking out her date and, oh yeah, she’s also the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Lt. Cavanaugh calls it “as bad as it gets” in between fielding calls from the Governor. OK, OK, it’s kind of not cool that Maura left with a dude, but we don’t have to go DEFCON 1 about it.

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