“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.14): My roommate and I only play softball together, and other white lies


Softball scrimmage over, the victors buy the losers beers. So Maura hands Jane, Frost and Frankie a few big frosty mug. Seems those two “old ladies” were ringers. Gee, “roommates” and good at softball? I am shocked, shocked I say! Jane notices their matching rings and kicks Frankie all, “And they’ve getting married before Maura and me? Thunder stealers, that’s what they are!” Maura notices Jane’s erratic behavior and shows concern, because now that she has won she’s no longer mad at her girlfriend. So does Frost, who promptly raises his glass and toasts his mom and “her partner Robin” for teaching him “the meaning of love and commitment.” Awwww.

To quote Phoebe Buffay, that is brand new information! Mama Frost is all, but how could you know? All adult women who are roommates share the same bedroom and play softball. Maura and Jane exchange quickie eye sex over the communal glow of this familial coming out scene. Frost congratulates Robin on making an honest woman out of his mom and it’s so cute. Maura gets excited about wearing a new dress to the wedding and Jane’s all, I know we’re all “family” here, but we haven’t been invited yet gaymo!

Back at Jane’s place, Lt. Col Beard Force is waiting for her and apologizes and Jane invites him up and the only thing you really need to know is that she changes T-shirts while waiting for him and very politely pauses long enough for a clear screencap. So considerate to overworked recappers everywhere.

Blah blah. Casey is getting experimental surgery. Manhood. Pride. Seeing other people. Bye Lt. Col Beard Force. Good luck with your surgery and all. But don’t hurry back. You know, for your own health.

Jane is sorting out mismatched socks a little sad, because it’s always tough to let a good beard go. And who should knock on her door in the dead of the night but Maura. She reassures Jane that a sock monster isn’t eating all her mismatched pairs. Jane throws them out anyway because they don’t have partners and are making her sad. Not everyone can be so lucky and have what you and Maura have, sweetie. Like the ability to spot nearly imperceptible hives caused by white lies on your girlfriend.

Back on the case (in unison: What case?), Jane notices similarities in plays where players (the cake dude and a current player) are injured. Maura is all adorable and non-sporty like, “What’s a right guard?” and “Why is it called football if they throw it with their hands?” and “Why are their pants so tight?” She is perplexed she can’t figure out what they see and Jane is thrilled that for once she gets to explain something to her brainiac girlfriend. Someone was throwing the games to fix the over-under for gambling. Oh, motive, you’re almost as predictable as Frost’s mom’s “roommate” being her LLBFF.

It was the athletic director, and the cake dude’s so-called bro friend who was shaving the points and killed him. Another obligatory murder solved. How many people were surprised? You? You? Me and Jane didn’t think so.

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