“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.14): My roommate and I only play softball together, and other white lies


Afterward, Jane blathers on about her FEELINGS to Maura, because that’s what lesbians do. Maura notes she has been blathering on for 31 minutes, because withholding processing is apparently one of the ways she punishes her girlfriend when she’s miffed about not being able to play softball together. Maura says she put her pride on the line and begged to be included, but Jane and her cool kids took their ball and ran. She asks Jane for some emotional honesty, because even when miffed we can’t resist a little processing. And then thanks Jane for admitting she doesn’t want her to play because she’s too competitive and thinks they stink.

Jane promises to think about “the softball thing” for Maura, but then gives it a beat and says, “Sorry, the answer is still no.” And someone is getting more than just processing withheld tonight, methinks. Say hello to the couch, Jane.

Back in the PFLAG Café, Mama Rizzoli meets Mama Frost and bonding ensues. They discuss their kids, gayness, getting legally married in the commonwealth of Massachusetts and a sincere hope that DOMA will be overturned soon. Mama Frost says she is nervous about telling Frost she’s getting remarried. Oh, honey, just hand him a copy of Heather Has Two Mommies with “Heather” scratched out and “Barry” written in. Problem solved.

Back on the actual murder (I know, I forget about it all the time, too), Jane is about to go to the cake dude’s shop to “give Maura a cheap thrill” and test frosting on cake knives (Note: it’s going to take an entirely different kind of thrill, and not the cheap kind, to make Maura forgive you, detective), when Frankie notions her over. Being the brother of a Grade-A Homosexual Lady, his gaydar tells him Mama Frost and her “roommate” are a couple. Jane is all, “Whaaaaat? Other lesbians are trying to steal Maura and my thunder? We’re the resident lesbian couple on this show.” Speaking of gay, one of the so-called suspects for a half second majored in “gender studies.” Because the softball references weren’t gay enough this episode.

Jane immediately begins to investigate these Other Lesbians and asks Frost a bunch of questions. How did they meet? How long have they been “roommates?” Isn’t it nice they can share “expenses” like that? Maura keeps asking me to share “expenses” and just move in already but I just can’t give the old bachelor pad up yet, ya know? Frankie interrupts the interrogation because it’s time to play softball again. Frost asks if his mom and Robin can come because, you know, it’s softball and they’re gay ladies. Jane is like, get a clue, man.

On their way out they’re confronted again by the least butch ballers ever. Maura and the Science Geeks want to play and they won’t take no for an answer. For once the jocks will bend to the nerds will. Frankie says they don’t have enough players and Mama Frost chimes in, “We’d be happy to play on Maura’s team.” It’s always helpful when people state their shipping allegiance. Team Maura all the way, ladies. Not even characters on the show are Team Casey.

p.s. Did anyone else notice Frost’s mom’s thumbring? Nothing gay about that.

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