“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.12): Say hello to your new captains


But before our pair can reach nirvana, Mama R comes running, her slip all disheveled, screaming, “He fell!” Mama R tries to shut Jane out as they run to attend to the “he” in question – Lt. Cavanaugh. Jane pulls an “ewwwww” face and asks for someone to retrieve his pants. But no one does, and instead he’s on Maura’s couch in his boxers talking out how he went out to get air and got light headed. Jane is much more worried about how his pants fell off around her mom.

Maura helpfully adds that his dizziness could have been caused by sexual arousal and the sudden rush of blood to his genitals. This causes a sudden rush of Jane’s dinner to come back up her esophagus. Mama R insists they were just making out. With their pants off. This doesn’t help Jane’s queasiness.

After they leave, Jane begs Maura to tell her she was asleep and that was all a dream. Which is a perfectly natural thing to ask seeing as she sleeps over at Maura’s place pretty much every night. I don’t see why this has to be awkward. Mama R has no problems living with Maura, even though she’s clearly dating Jane. Everyone is adults here. Now get busy with that monkey mind, people.

The next morning, Lt. Cavanaugh gives Mama R the “let’s be friends” talk within earshot of Frankie. And then being the good son that he is, Frankie offers to punch Cavanaugh’s lights out for her. Point for loyalty, though probably not the best idea for his career advancement.

You know things have gotten serious on a case when Jane busts out the Ponytail of Righteous Justice. They track down Suicide Boy’s doctor, who is found dead in a construction site. Could be suicide, but we all know better.

In the autopsy room, Jane and Maura are doing their bicker thing, when Maura gives her yet another fun fact. While police may have a high early death rate after retirement, physicians apparently have the highest suicide rate. OK, you two, am I going to have to put you both on 24-hour watch? Seriously, I want you two to grow old and gray together bickering over the quinoa wraps and monkey minds. Maura begs Jane to meditate with her to “greatly improve the quality of my life.” Aw, see, Maura wants to do the growing old together thing too.

Jane asks Maura if she was the kind of girl who asked other girls to go with her to the bathroom in seventh grade. Maura says of course not. Which is true, Maura is the kind of girl who asks her girlfriend to go to the bathroom with her now. And then pulls out a shaving kit.

As the detectives puzzle over Suicide Boy and Subplot B cases, Korsak gets a text from Angela imploring him to come to the cafeteria and not tell Jane. Maybe this is seventh grade after all. Mama R asks him for dating advice about Cavanaugh. Turns out he lost his wife and baby son in a fire years ago. But then Susie Blocker shows up to break up the emotional moment.

And then comes the moment in the episode when everything comes together. I can only assume it is with the help of one H.G. Wells because he walks in with a grappling hook which helps crack the case. The sticky substance on both murder victims was also found in the murdered woman’s room in Subplot B. Meaning the killer was an experienced climber. And, shazaam, everything is Mainplot A because Bradley, the rich kid, was an experienced climber and yadda yadda yadda. Case pretty much solved.

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