“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.12): Say hello to your new captains


Back at the Division One Café, Angela is collecting unhealthy snacks at the door. Everyone realizes these are all adults with guns, right? No one is taking away my Cheetos, no one. Maura turns over some breath mints, which Jane is going to wish she still had after they are handed quinoa wraps instead. No fun having secret make out sessions in the morgue with quinoa breath. And just to get the point across about the perils of eating healthy, Jane’s wrap comes with a frownie face.

Back to Subplot B, Frost is accosted by yet another person in the lobby, this time the accused killer’s mother. She never believed her son murdered the girl, and deep down in his heart neither does Frost. I can solve Subplot B right here and now for everyone. Bradley did it and framed the school’s only black kid, because of course he did, his name is Bradley and he goes to a prep school. Glad we got that out of the way.

Back in the autopsy room, Maura’s cellphone alert goes off announcing a mandatory meditation break. She threatens to report Jane if she doesn’t, because rules help control the fun. So Jane pulls rank and tells her to drop and give her 50. But mostly this is so she can see Maura’s arm candy, which we all know is honed and lovely and fully capable of changing a tire. Then senior criminalist Susie Chang walks in and ruins everything. I’m going to start calling her Susie Blocker. 

As we all suspected, Suicide Boy was murdered. And Frost is still upset about his old case. But never mind that because it’s physical activity time and Jane, under the watchful eye of Lt. Cavanaugh, leads everyone in the department in a quick session of jogging in place. Jane Rizzoli and her lustrous black hair – and other stuff – bouncing up and down? All of a sudden I am the world’s biggest supporter of Week of Health.

Now that calisthenics are over, Maura is doing her part by meditating. She agrees to look over some Subplot B files for Frost to ease his worries. Meanwhile Jane and Frankie have their own worries. Mama Rizzoli is suddenly growing herbs, inquiring about lip balm and asking if pants make her look fat. Looks like somebody is back in the dating pool.

Blah blah blah, red herring. Blah blah blah, Subplot B. Finally, back at the Isles Estates, Maura is leading Jane in a meditation session. There are candles and tank tops and adoring glances at Maura when Jane should be clearing her mind. Jane asks how much longer and Maura calls her insufferable. The Adorable Bickersons are back! Then Maura tells Jane to quite the chatter in her monkey mind. Listen, lady, if this is some sort of foreplay you’re gonna want to keep Jane’s monkey mind chatting for a little while longer. It’s where she gets all her best ideas, if you know what I mean.

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