“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.09): And baby makes three

Jane goes to Maura for solace, who offers her quinoa, kale and yams instead. Jane says she will be sitting at Tribal Council before she eats that for lunch. Then Frankie runs in all sweaty and saves her from the nutrient-rich foods. He found the gun. Jane is proud of him, but also concerned that he is sweating all over Maura’s stuff. Nobody sweats on Maura’s stuff but Jane. Then it’s Jane’s turn to manhandle Maura out the door as she drags her off to the Dirty Robber. Maura says she’s bad at confrontation, but that’s why Jane’s the beat-you-face-in cop instead. p.s. Nice pantsuit, Maura. Is Jane rubbing off on her, in more than a sweaty way?

Lydia is late for their meeting and Jane has less than complimentary things to say about her brain cell count. She can’t see what her dad saw in her in the first place. Maura says studies show that men like to date less intelligent women. Jane is like, why when dating more intelligent women is awesome. Maura agrees and says that women like them have their own lives and jobs and don’t make men a priority because of the homosexuality.

Lydia finally arrives and Jane says something about being a slut under her breath. Maura gives her a righteous kick in the shins because slut shaming is not cool, not cool at all. You’re better than that, Det. Jane Rizzoli. They start to tell her why they wanted to talk with her and she cuts them off. No, she does not know who the father is. Not so dense a cookie after all.

Seems she knew all about the Rizzoli women all along. And she meant to meet Angela, though not necessarily run into her car. Frank had told her Angela was the best mother, and she wanted to learn from her. I take it back, she is dense. Trying to learn mothering from the woman your former lover left after decades of marriage to be with you while also being pregnant with either his child or her son’s child is probably a bad idea.

Before the parade of terrible decision making can continue, Lydia has to run to Lamaze. Maura says she can’t go to birthing classes herself and offers to drive her. Jane can’t wait for the door to hit her on the ass as she leave, but Maura has other ideas. She gives Jane The Stare and it’s all over but the whimpering for the good detective. That, my friends, is what you call whipped.

Next we have a scene which I swear must have been written in the scripts as: Two lesbians go with their surrogate to Lamaze class. It’s like The New Normal but with lesbians and without Ryan Murphy. They try to make small talk. What does she like to do? (Go to the mall.) Will she get a paternity test? (No, not interested.) Who will massage her back? (Please, Det. Rizzoli has her limits.)

But the most important question is will she tell Mama R about her two possible Rizzoli baby daddies? She wants to tell her, but Jane turns beat-you-face-in cop and tells her she cannot, will not spill the Boston baked beans to her mother that she has “slept with half her family.”

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