“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.09): And baby makes three

Just as Jane is about to go snarkocalypse on Lydia’s big new job at the Penny Saver, Maura manhandles her girlfriend out of the door. That’s what I call assertive girlfriend Totally Gay, Totally Gratuitous Touching. On their way to the crime scene, Maura and Jane bicker some more about the baby shower while simultaneously putting on their latex gloves. And this is why there’s no Rizzoli/Isles baby shower planned anytime soon.

But their argument/lesson in safe sex is interrupted when Jane sees that Frankie is upset. He knew the victim, they both did from childhood. He had since gone on to fame and fortune as the leader of a boy band, the Channel Street Boys. Hey, remember when real-life boy bander Donnie Wahlberg was the very first Rizzoli & Isles Beard of the Week? Does this mean the show is metaphorically murdering those storylines? A gal can dream.

Frankie and Jane are both shaken up by the boy bander’s death. So for some reason she shows his brothers in the band a video of them performing before she talks to them about his murder. I don’t understand this new interrogating technique, but then I also don’t understand boy bands.

His brothers suspect he was using drugs again. They also throw some shade on their father and former manager, who did some time for stealing their money. Jane goes to check on Maura in autopsy. She in turn is checking out Channel Street Boys’ music videos. Maura grooving to pretty boy pop while removing bullets? Still adorable. Jane clearly thinks so, too.

Maura says he had a very pretty, symmetrical face. But, interestingly, did not have any drugs in his system and hadn’t for at least six months. Jane says he was “sweet and soulful.” Someone else who is sweet and soulful – while occasionally snarky – goes to check to see how her mother is handling the news. Mama R tells her his brothers told her Jane was the girl in their hit “Pure Boston Beauty.” He apparently had a childhood crush on one Jane Clementine Rizzoli. Well, who wouldn’t?

Mama R follows up this flattery kiss with a favor punch. She asks her to come to Lydia’s baby shower. She says Lydia needs the influence of strong women. Strong is clearly code for “lesbian” here. She then tells Jane to text Lydia for her that she’s coming. You can be the sexiest McBadass in the Boston Homicide Unit, but your mom will never stop telling you what to do.

But Jane isn’t one to just blindly follow. Instead she confessed to Maura that she texted Lydia as Mama R and said she’d meet her at the Dirty Robber in two hours so they can talk to her alone. Maura can have no part in this subterfuge and squeals (like, literally squeals) at Jane. To appease her (again), Jane says Maura can be polite cop and she will be “I’ll beat your face in if you tell my mother that you slept with her husband and her son cop.” Hm. I don’t think that’s a legally sanctioned interrogation technique. But I do appreciate the specificity. Why be vague? On a similar note, their role-playing fantasies must be incredibly detailed.

Back on the case we’re not really all that interested in, Frost is trying to decrypt the military level security on the victim’s phone. Korsak give him a hard time with the geek stuff, calling him Inspector Gadget. And then give him an even harder time when he loses the victim’s last text.

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