“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.08): Let’s go to bed


Frankie comes in his best detective suit. Frost ribs him about it being from the Korsak Kollection. Earlier when they were moving the neighbor lesbian’s couch, Frankie punched Frost in the arm. Because that’s what you do when you like someone – and you’re in the third grade. Oh, those two. Jane tries to clue them in that they’re being played by Riley. But they already know. But neither has hooked up with her because it would be a violation of the Man Code.

Maura chimes in, because sociology is one of her favorite -ologies. She asks for the theories and practices of said Man Code. One is if that until the female mates with one of the males, both may pursue her. Another is you can’t share an umbrella and another is about “grenades.”(Note: We will not be discussing the “Grenade Rule” because I want to continue liking Frost and Frankie.) Finally there’s the all-important if you’ve know a guy for more than 24 hours his sister is off limits rule. So no hooking up with Frost, Jane. Because you’re gay. 

Korsak and Jane interrogate Red Herring No. 2. This one is a convicted sex offender who takes one look at Jane and says what we’ve all been thinking, “If I had known homicide cops looked like you I’d get arrested more often.” Korsak tells Jane he kept him cuffed because he has a thing for whipping out his Johnson in mixed company. And he knows Jane and penises are non-compatible. He tells them he saw the bride’s sister being dragged to a car all “cave-man style” by another man.

Speaking of cave-man style, Jane and Maura are trying to move her mattress. Jane gets fed up and drops it on her living room floor. And Maura immediately drops to her hands and knees on top of it. Jane Clementine Rizzoli, you know what to do next.

But before she can do what we all want her to do, she overhears lesbian-next-door Riley buying $5,000 worth of liquid ecstasy. She’s appalled her little brother and her partner both want to bone a drug dealer. But my question is, why would a lesbian drug dealer want to bone a gay detective and an gay almost detective?

Jane looks up Riley, who has a record for drug trafficking. When Korsak walks up she asks, “Do you think she’s cute?” See, jealous. Don’t be insecure, Jane. Maura loves you just the way you are. Frankie comes in and Jane’s about to warn him about his felonious female friend, but he has to go interview with Cavanaugh. They share a cute big sis-little bro moment which is destroyed by Cavanaugh when he calls in the “original Rizzoli” instead.

He tells her the drug unit chief is furious she ran one of his targets. And she can’t tell Frost or Frankie that Riley is being investigated. Jane, of course, runs to Maura instead and tells. She wisely advises her to keep her mouth shut because the Man Code won’t allow them to both sleep with her. Otherwise if she tells Frankie will lose his shot at detective, Frost will get transferred and Jane will be brought up on charges. Listen to your girlfriend, we don’t want any of those things to happen, Jane.

Maura has found a clue on one of the pieces of evidence. It has traces of wheat, which she read about in the Journal of Agriculture and Food Chemistry. She asks Jane if she’s a reader and Jane says every issue, especially the “caption the cartoon contest.” Maura whips around all excited at the prospect of captioning cartoons about arcane food chemistry facts. Jane whips her head back in continued disbelief at her girlfriend’s failure to grasp sarcasm. Well, now you’ve both been fooled by each other’s unexpected snarky humor. It’s 1-1. Who will break this tie?

The clue leads them to a type of farm tool used to cut wheat, but also known as “cutthroat.” The victim is also branded with the Cyrillic letter K which stands for “Cutthroat,” the code name of the sex ring leader. You see where this is going. It’s going bad places. She was branded as part of the sex trade. And her little sister was probably kidnapped because she is a virgin and will go to the highest bidder. Like I was saying, bad places.

The detectives run online searches for the auction. Korsak suggests a lower tech approach and checks out the personals. Frost gives him grief and he shoots back, “Don’t you remember, that’s how we met.” Boys, boys. I know you two once had a beautiful thing. But Frost is with Frankie now and everyone needs to accept that.

They find a suspicious ad for a Yugo body shop instead, which turns out to be the sex traffickers lair complete with girls in cages and a seedy guy watching soccer. Jane deploys the Ponytail of Righteous Justice and her big-ass gun and takes him and the rest of the ring down.

The girls are freed, but the victim’s sister isn’t among them. Jane has Maura interview them in Serbian. I like the way those letters roll off her tongue. I’m sorry, I lost focus for a minute. Cutthroat  isn’t among them, so they keep searching.

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