“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.08): Let’s go to bed


Now that the body has arrived (and the crazy ex-fiancée/Red Herring No. 1 is arrested), Maura is performing the autopsy. Also it is because Jane is finally in the room. Maura asks her what kind of cake she’ll have for her wedding. It’s classic girlfriend marriage proposal fishing. Ask about the cake. Get intel. Plant ideas. Sneaky, sneaky Maura. Jane isn’t playing and asks who she is marrying. Oh, ladies. Stop it – it’s each other and everyone knows it. It’s not called a Boston Marriage for nothing.

Maura lists all the kinds of cake she plans on having – hazelnut almond, chocolate ganache and maybe mocha buttercream. Jane is all, baby, I have not popped the questions. And Maura says it’s just fun to play fantasy wedding. Then she presses Jane on what her dress will look like. And Jane says the butchest thing ever, “I don’t wear dresses.” Oh course you don’t, Jane, of course you don’t.

Maura says hers will be a silk charmeuse with an empire waist and 20-foot train on the cliffs of Santorini above a volcano. I hope Jane is taking notes. This is going to be one elaborate wedding. Maura says she used to dream about marrying the 16th Century pioneer of the autopsy, Antonio Benivieni. And then she says her married name would be Maura Dorthea Isles Benivieni.

Jane has to take a beat because Maura’s middle name is Dorthea (voted on by fans, by the way). She’s all, “You gave me crap about my middle name being Clementine and your middle name is Dorthea?” First of all, there is nothing wrong with “Dorthea” or all derivatives of “Dorothy.” Just saying. And second, her actual married name is going to be Maura Dorthea Isles Rizzoli. So she is really just trading one Italian surname for another.

Because they’re confessing things, Jane tells Maura she used to dream of marrying former Boston Red Sox first baseman Bill Buckner, but then the ball went through his legs in the 1986 World Series and she became a lesbian.

Korsak calls and says the unhinged fiancée will only talk with unmarried women. Maura takes off her gloves and starts to follow. Jane’s all, “Where are you going, hon?” Jane, Maura goes where you go. Duh. She says she’s unmarried and can help rate the suspect. Then she proceeds to give her girlfriend “helpful” advice over a headset during the interrogation until Jane can take it no more. She’s so cute, the things she puts up with from Maura.

Our ladies head to the Dirty Robber for dinner and Maura tells Jane, “I’m going to make you eat something green tonight.” But, hold on, Maura isn’t wearing green tonight. Still, seriously, how girlfriend-y is that? Fussing over her diet and worrying about her health. Then Maura does something else girlfriend-y and grabs Jane’s wrist in a TGTGT way to show her Frankie sitting with Riley in a booth all cozy and talking sex dolls.

Jane saunters up and gives her little brother the “stop flirting and think about Frost’s feelings”-eye. He gets the hint and calls it a night. Then Jane does a girlfriend-y thing and in a TGTGT way literally pushes Maura away from the table and Riley. She’s worried because Maura was a Splashley fangirl and there’s no telling where this could all go after a couple of white wines.

Jane tells Frankie that Riley feels sneaky to her. He tells her, “So don’t go out with her.” Well of course not. She’s going out with Maura. Frankie leaves, but Riley stays. Then in walks Frost. And she hugs him. And kisses him. Two-timing your gay boyfriends? Bad form indeed. Yes, Jane and Maura are totally judging her for it. But don’t worry, they’d judge a two-timing man the same way, too.

The next morning Jane and Maura walk into the Division One Café together. Guess they must have slept over at Maura’s since Jane’s bed still isn’t put together. Jane thinks she should tell Frankie or Frost or both. Instead they tell Mama R. But she’s really too busy flirting and making special breakfasts for Lt. Cavanaugh to care. Jane asks Maura if she thinks her mom likes her boss, and Maura tells her, “I did see them having sex in the lobby.” Snort. Now that’s how you tease your girlfriend.

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