“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.07): The ties that bind


The detectives bust in, but she’s not in her apartment. It’s just a room mocked up to look like Jane’s apartment. Jane looks around and sees terribly Photoshopped pictures of her with Dominick at their “wedding” and “honeymoon in Hawaii.” Jane tries to tell him they were never in Hawaii together, but he’s all, “Yes, fantasy lover, there was kayaking and surfing and an all-you-can eat roast pig luau and you will remember or I’ll chew your face off!”

I must say, this whole sequence is rather terrible. Jane getting molested by this pervert. Jane powerless, tied spread eagle. Maura watching it all unfold. This is not the female empowering buddy/more than buddy crime-solving dramedy I signed up for. I do not like it. Not one little bit. Neither does Maura. Make it stop, please.

Jane realizes she’s being recorded and makes a plea to Frost, hoping he has found the stream. She tells them what she hears, airplanes and a warning bell, and they zero in on her location. Maura has them zoom in on the radiator and window frame and identifies them as being from the 1890s. They narrow it to one building and run out to rescue her. The Isleopedia and her fun facts save the day.

Maura stays behind, because I don’t know why. I think it’s so she can say things like, “Don’t hurt her” to the screen as she watches her girlfriend get threatened by a dangerous psychotic. Just then, the detectives burst in. Baddie caught, Jane freed, Maura tears. Sheesh, let’s not do that again. I think from now on Jane should stop getting into any and all vans. First Hoyt and now the bread guy.

After it’s all over our ladies are together, of course, at the Isles Estate. They’re snuggled up under the same blanket on the couch. Jane has her beer and Maura has her wine. I’m not even making this up.

Maura looks over at her girlfriend, worried about the ordeal she just went through. Jane reassures her that, “the worst part was the outfit. Pink shoes – vomit.” Spoken like a true woman with a penchant for sensible shoes. Then she jokes about how her head went on a honeymoon. This promptly inspires Maura to tell her she’s thinking of freezing her eggs. Honeymoon talk will do that to a gal. Maura says she just doesn’t think marriage is for her. Come on, girls, DOMA is going to be declared unconstitutional. Don’t worry. Jane says she’s going to leave her eggs where they are, and let’s change the subject because even long-term committed couples get a little weird when marriage talk begins.

Instead Jane teases Maura about Pike and calls them a “cute couple.” Jane calls him a “luau kind of guy” and then both of them make retching sounds simultaneously. And burst out laughing. Yep, boys are totally gross, ladies. Just keep snuggling together and it’ll all be better soon.

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