“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.07): The ties that bind


Just then Dr. Achey Breaky BlackHat shows up with his contraption. Jane calls him Dr. Rube Goldberg and Maura is impressed – and turned on. As we all are. Jane saying nerdy things? Yes, please. The homemade machine works, and they pull a partial print. Then while going through the doctor’s phone records Frost finds he tried to call Jane three times.

All of that’s going to have to wait because it’s family meeting time. Jane goes to leave, but her car is blocked by the bakery truck. Dominick apologies and tells Jane to grab a bag of ciabatta from the truck. She does, and then he grabs her and jabs a needle into her back. Carbs are bad for you, see!

At the family meeting, Maura has brought a talking stick. Mama R is having none of it and presses Frankie and Maura for whatever “horrible news” they’re going to tell her. I like how, even though Jane’s not there, it’s perfectly normal for Maura to be part of such an integral family discussion.

Speaking of Jane, the detectives and family finally realize she’s missing when her car is still parked at the precinct. They all gather, concerned, but none more than Maura. The team deduces that her disappearance and the case are probably related. The doctor who treated delusional disorders probably called to warn her about a patient. And then that leads them to the patient list which leads them to bread guy who happens to have erotomanic delusional disorder, which is exactly as bad as it sounds. He also did time for stalking and maiming another woman. And now he thinks Jane is in love with him. The woman who is really in love with Jane could not be more worried.

Jane comes to and, oh God, bread guy has his hands all over her. And, oh God, she’s handcuffed to the bed. Can we fast forward through the creepy stuff and just get to the part where Jane and Maura are snuggling together please?

He tells her she missed her Brazilian wax which is every kind of wrong. And has changed her clothes to a skirt, flouncy shirt and pink high heels. Wow, does he know his imaginary wife’s taste in clothing or what? Jane, even when kidnapped by a sexual psychotic, doesn’t miss the chance to snark and says she loves “pink and ruffles and kitten heels.”

At the precinct, Frost traces Dominick through his computer and finds a live stream of Jane, tied to the bed. Maura immediately says, “That’s her apartment.” And my Twitter feed immediately erupts with lesbians screaming, “OF COURSE MAURA KNOWS JANE’S BEDROOM.”

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