“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.04): Please do watch him leave

The detectives have finally cracked the victim’s Blackberry. She was sexting with her “family values” boss. But he’s just a red herring they threw out there to take a little poke at the hypocrisy of so many of the conservative traditional values set. But then another body shows up. It’s also made up like some weird big doll and wearing the same early ’90s attire complete with matching scrunchy. Jane says she’s either another time traveler or works for Hillary Clinton. And now a poke at the liberal set. We’ve got your fair and balanced right here.

Back at the café, Mama R is complaining to Frost about how her Interwebs ordering isn’t working. He tells her to start a blog, because clearly down that road leads fame and fortune. Wait, sorry, hold on – I need to take a minute from all the hysterical laughter happening in my head. She takes his advice and starts blogging about what she overhears on the case Jane is working. So, naturally, Rondo and his friends take it to heart and become “Angela’s Guardians” to keep the buses safe for your women. Where a bunch of homeless guys get the money to create matching screen-printed T-shirts is another mystery.

But back to the main mystery, Maura has some news. She had found blood on a wood sliver, because it wouldn’t be precise to call is a splinter. Jane notices Maura has on her, “I’ve got a secret face.” Because, she, too, has studied her girlfriend’s faced. Memorized its topography. Noted any subtle changes in landscape.

Maura says there are three blood types on the sliver. And the third sample is 20 years old. Jane asks if Maura has been drinking to which she responds, “Yes. Water. Two liters a day as recommended by the Mayo Clinic.” Stop it, too adorable, cuteness overload. Less cute is Maura’s other revelation that the sliver of wood was white ash, like the police used to use in their night sticks back in the day. So, because that has clearly been its only application in the last 20 years, they start looking into older cops as suspects.

But, hey, who cares about improbable plot points when Jane and Maura are running in their jogging clothes together? Unfortunately they’re talking about Casey Casey Casey so I’m just going to mute it and enjoy the bouncing.

All that running must have jarred something loose because Jane has a revelation about the case. Could they also be looking for a 20 year old case? Yes, duh. But all that will have to wait because Maura hasn’t gotten her endorphin hit yet so you two will need to take care of that in the locker room or car or someplace you can get appropriately hot and sweaty. People have needs, OK?

After their afternoon delight and a quick shower, Jane is back to share her theory. But Cavanaugh is more worried about Angela’s blog and Rondo’s guardians. Her site already has 12,104 followers. So, fine, she’s not The Huffington Post quite yet. The Lieutenant goes down to speak with Angela and our girls sneak behind the decaying Pinto to spy on them.

But instead of firing her, he walks off with pastries and a smile. Yep, Cavangela/Cavela/Cavazzoli is definitely on. Dr. and Det. Smartypants go to confront Mama R about her blogging. Parents today, they just don’t understand the dangers of the interwebs. So Jane takes away her laptop. Also she’s grounded for a week. And no cellphone either, young lady. Mama R doesn’t take it too well and tells Maura they need to help her with her anger. Maura says they should butt out. But Mama R is not gonna take her grounding without a little plan of her own.

Turns out the grumpy traffic cop’s ex-wife used to own a dollhouse store and then disappeared 20 years ago. He had a history of violence with her, and her mother never believed she would run away and leave her son behind. Speaking of that son, he’s been locked away in a mental ward for the past 20 years as well. Gee, where could this be going?

Back at the lab Jane is pacing impatiently waiting for Maura to finish the DNA results. Maura tells her she is breathing on her. Jane is all, well you don’t seem to mind me breathing on you when you need an endorphin hit.

Then, Lt. Col. Beard Force turns into Lt. Col. Cockblock and texts saying he wants to meet Jane at the Dirty Robber. Luckily, for the time being, Jane only wants Maura and rushes off to follow a lead that ties the traffic cop to all three murders. I mean she even says, “Come on, I need you.”

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