“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.02): Is there a doctor in the family?


Someone else who misses sweet Maura, or at least her relationship with cranky Jane, is Tommy who asks his sister if they’ve kissed and made up yet. Jane says she doesn’t know if they’ll ever be “friends” again and that each time they see each other they make it worse. And then things get worse when Frankie tells her their pop is marrying a 28-year-old. And even worse still pop shows up with the annulment papers and Ma Rizzoli is having none of it.

Speaking of unconscionable Rizzoli men, Tommy is dressed in a suit and tie in Maura’s office. His fancy duds, however, are just for picking up dead dudes (and dudettes) as he has landed a job in a funeral home. Tommy wants some advice from Maura. Like, maybe, how best to get into her pants? Maura tells him Jane and her are as not as “close” as they used to be. Tommy calls it a good thing that Jane and Maura aren’t talking. And Maura says, no, it’s “awful.” But Tommy is undeterred and says now that they’re not “talking” – because even the sleazy brother who hits on his sister’s girlfriend knows they do a lot more than just “talk” – maybe they can start “talking” instead. Maura laughs it off, because once you’ve had Jane Rizzoli, no other Rizzoli or Jane or person will do.

Tommy then proceeds to up his sleazoid credentials by saying he knows his dad’s new 28-year-old fiancé in the biblical sense. But just the once. And then proceeds to ask whether it’s wrong and he should tell his dad. Yeah, Maura definitely has the better Rizzoli and she knows it.

Back in the autopsy room, Maura is noting that the victim’s lower extremities are well muscularized. Been a little while, hasn’t it, dear? Jane walks in and also notes that the victim is “really fit.” Yeah, it’s been a long time for both of them. Senior Criminalist Susie Chang comes in to tell them she’s discovered what the white powder was. And then in an awkward and tense game of telephone, we learn it wasn’t cocaine but baking soda, which the victim used to wash her hair to be environmentally friendly.

Maura notes some past injuries on the victim’s body and Jane says she’d love to know why they’re relevant, if only Maura would guess. Maura tells her she’s in luck because it’s National Guessing Day. Is that a real day? That should be a real day. Let’s all guess how long the make-up sex between these two will last. A day, two days, a week? Maura tells Jane the injuries are the result of some terms I can’t pronounce let alone spell. Jane says she knows those are yoga terms. Because her girlfriend does yoga, and she pays very close attention to everything her girlfriend does. Then she asks for the “yucky rash lingo” of what caused the yucky rashes, it turns out it is from being submerged in “icky stuff.” You know Maura is off, she has now said both the words “yucky” and “icky” in one day in a scientific context.

And then Maura does something even more out of character. As Jane storms off, Maura notices she has a toilet paper coming from the back of her pants. And she says nothing. And then giggles. Oh, man – I know you two are fighting but letting your LLBFF walk out with a TP tail is just mean.

After Jane takes care of her tail, the detectives figure out the victim has been spending big bucks at a nearby yoga studio. So Korsak and Jane go to investigate…undercover…as a couple. Please pardon me while I hold my stomach in a fit of laughter. In fact, let’s all take a chuckle break. Shall we?

To keep the happily chuckley feeling going, I’m going to skip the scene where both Tommy and Frost puke at the crime scene of a floater they pulled from the water. Seems Jane and Frankie really are the only Rizzolis who can look death in the face – and not lose their lunch.

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