“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.02): Is there a doctor in the family?

Jane says she’ll ask “Dr. Isles” herself. When she walks up on Maura telling Korsak yet another Fun Fact, she gets greeted with an icy, “Hello, Det. Rizzoli.” Oh, so they’re on a strictly professional title basis now? That’s both cold and hot at the same time.

Things remain icy as Jane and Maura discuss the victim, which is no small feat considering they’re in the humid steam tunnels. Jane says she was strangled by a garrote and Maura corrects her pronunciation. Jane says she’d love a history lesson on the [insert guttural noise and crossed eyes here] and Maura gives her one because that’s what Maura does even when passively aggressively insulting her LLBFF.

Speaking of passive aggressive insults, Maura saves her best for last. When Frost asks what the red patches on the victim’s torso are, Maura says “urticaria.” When Jane questions what that means, Maura says, “Maybe you’ll know what this means. The yucky red stuff is a rash.” And then Jane and Maura engage in what can only be accurately described as intense hate eye sex.

Frost and Jane leave, but Maura snaps, “You stay!” at Korsak. And while I’m sure that the good detective desperately wants to flee the scene of such tension and never-ending Fun Facts, he stays because when Dr. Maura snaps, “You stay,” you stay. In fact, if Dr. Maura Isles snapped, “You – anything,” I’d do that thing. Happily. Obediently. With so much pleasure.

Jane and Frost are at the victim’s apartment, interviewing her roomie and checking out her room. They find cruelty free cotton tops and vegan shoes in her closet. Jane calls the latter “vugly” and Frost replies, “Says the woman who has been wearing the same boots for the last two years.” Oh, snap! Wait, do the kids today still say, “Oh, snap?” Well, at least Jane does. Twice.

Seems Frost has a lot of experience with women “of all sizes.” See, fellas, knowing the feminist basics will definitely get you laid. The detectives find a bag of white powder among her belongings, which they assume is cocaine. Is cocaine vegan?

The victim’s parents come in for questioning. Jane sleuths out that they’re separated. This of course sets off sympathy bells in Jane’s head, given her own predicament, and she tells them to honor their daughter by “being kind to one another.” Awww, someone misses her sweet Maura.

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