“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (3.01): We can’t help who we love


Later in the kitchen it’s a Rizzoli family reunion as Frankie is there to have his mama make him breakfast. Jane rushes off to work, but then there’s a knock at the door. It’s Agent Droopy Face with another bouquet of pink flowers. Jane promptly throws them in the garbage.

Then he tells her she’s being set up by someone inside the police department, but more importantly that he’s been ordered back to Washington. Jane gives him a peck on the cheek, which I can only assume is a thank you for no longer being a complication between her and Maura. And that’s the end of Agent Dean. Gosh, he will not be missed.

Later back in autopsy, Jane and Frost are trying to contain their contempt for Dr. Pike. Jane goes the flattery route again, to get him to give them the .44-caliber bullet that killed the cop. It works, and as they go to leave Maura stalks back into her office. Jane saunters over, all, “Oh, you’re back. I hardly noticed. Please love me.”

Then the butchiest/femmiest conversation ever happens.

Maura: Did you ever return my book “Soothing Paint Choices for the Home”? 
Jane: Yeah, a long time ago. So, you’re back.
Maura: That’s odd because I can’t seem to find it.
Jane: Did you ever return my Guns of the World digest?

Sheesh, they might as well have borrowed each other’s copies of “Who’s Your Daddy” and “Femme for All Seasons.” Pike walks in on them as they’re – you guessed it – bickering. Jane calls Maura “Poindexter the Know It All.” Maura calls Jane the “Hoi polloi” – ancient Greek for “The Great Unwashed.” This naturally escalates the argument, after Jane learns what it means, and then the insults really start flying. Jane says people laugh at Maura behind her back. Maura says they call Jane a bitch behind hers. Father insults get thrown. And then Jane pulls out the Snooki cards. Maura has apparently watched that show once “for ethnographic research.”

The chief breaks up their argument and then the lead IA investigator comes in and calls it a catfight. Jane – and all of womankind – whips around and says, “Did you really just call a disagreement between two female colleagues a catfight?” Yes, yes he did. Shoot him, Jane!

Investigator Douchenozzle demands Jane be put on leave. The chief transfers her from homicide to Evidence Management instead. Jane pleads her case to no avail. Then Pike asks what punishment will be meted out to Dr. Isles and she makes it easy for him. She hands in her letter of resignation. I think Jane and Maura’s faces here say all I need to say about what I think about this turn of events.

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