“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.15): You always hurt the ones you love


Back in the autopsy room, Jane says she never understood guys who want to run into burning buildings. Maura looks at her hero girlfriend and says, “You chase murderers.” Jane says back, “not if they’re on fire.” Aw, if deflecting her own heroism was a sport, Jane would have more medals than Michael Phelps.

And then Maura does that thing she does to equal parts impress and annoy Jane. You know, that “fun facts” thing. She asks if Jane knows why firefighters call their outfits “bunker gear.” But when Jane knows that one already so a disappointed Maura moves on to an even more obscure fact about who first invented the helmet. And with that one she succeeds, much to her not-so-secret satisfaction, at getting Jane to ask her if her brain ever gets tired with all the “useless information” she stores in there. Maura tells her no, her brain never gets tired. And then gives Jane that look that says she plans to tire another part of her body out with her later that night.

Jane wonders why the firefighter’s mask and gloves are scorched, but the rest of him is unharmed. Scientific babble from Maura naturally ensues where she calculates that the heat that scorched the firefighter is higher than the heat generated by the factory fire. Maura tells Jane she wrote an article on just this in the Journal of Combustible Science. Dude, is there really a Journal of Combustible Science because that sounds awesome? Really, more kids would go into science if they knew there was a whole journal about its combustible aspects.

Jane agrees and says it was a “fabulous article” and the “loved the photos.” I always knew our little Janey was a read the magazines for the photos and not articles kind of gal. Maura helpfully offers to print the article for her and Jane tenderly stops her with a little Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching and says, “Maura, why waste paper, I’ll read it online.” So environmental, that one. We’ll make an Earthy Crunchy Lesbian out of Det. Jane Rizzoli yet.

But no, our Janey was exercising her other favorite lesbian trait: sarcasm. Maura recognizes this and says, “You’re not going to read it. “ And then she gives her a little look again, but this one is all, “Fine, snark at me all you want. There’s plenty of room on the couch for you to sleep tonight.”

Maura then says she knows Jane is going to dinner with Gabriel. Jane gives her a little eye sex smolder back and asks how she knew. To which Maura replies, “You brushed your teeth.” Hm. Now how would Maura know Jane brushed her teeth? Let’s think, let’s think. Did she watch Jane brush her teeth? No, probably not. Did she brush Jane’s teeth for her? No, no, probably not. Did she get so close to Jane’s mouth that she could taste the toothpaste and feel the minty freshness? Well, you know, proper dental hygiene is important.

Then, so she can keep a close eye on Jane’s dental hygiene, Maura suggests she double date with Jane and Dean, since she already has reservations for dinner with her mother. Jane replies: “Oh – you, me, Gabriel and your mother? How can I say no?” Yep. Because nothing says “fun double date” like going out with your LLBFF, your LLBFF’s mom and your beard boyfriend. Jane says if it was anyone but Maura it would be “the creepiest idea ever.” Which is true. Maura makes even the prospect of that whole table’s worth of awkward and uncomfortable seem appealing.

Speaking of a different “A”-word, Jane asks Maura if she just uttered it when she mentioned evidence that was returned from the Arson Squad. Jane asks if it was indeed arson and Maura replies: “No. Yes. No.” These are the signals you’re sending Jane when you offer to double date with your mom and her beard, Maura. It’s very, very confusing.

Also kind of confusing, the sudden emergence of Maura’s Asian lab assistant who was rumored to be joining cast this season. Remember her? She was supposed to be all edgy and a Dr. Isles protégé? Guess that role either got downsized or never happened. But it’s still nice to see an Asian sister up in the Boston Medical Examiner’s lab, however how brief. Holla!

While talking about arson, Maura’s eye wander. Sheesh, girl, how many times do I have to say this – Jane’s eyes are higher. While feasting on Jane’s finer attributes she says she thinks Gabriel is a good match for Jane. Hello, projecting. Jane says, “Nobody asked you, yenta.” because she already know who she makes a good match with. And it’s the lady who can’t stop eyeballing her lovely lady lumps.

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