“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.13): Having a good-looking LLBFF is the best revenge


After that strike out, guess who pops up like a bad cold sore? It’s Lt. Col. Beard Force all stalkery on the Skype again. Who romantic Skypes at work, anyway? He invites her to Afghanistan so she can enjoy 120 degree heat, eat dust all day and wear a burka. Wow, this guys is a keeper – a keeper, I say. Jane’s face agrees. I’m pretending to like this guy over Maura? What is wrong with me?

In Mr. Still-A-Douche’s car they find steel wool and traces of blood, enough for a warrant for his house. There, Maura, who is the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, helps to collect the forensic evidence from things that are not bodies. Oh, crime shows, how you confuse budding medical examiners and forensics analysts every day. When they find no traces of blood on Mr. Still-A-Douche’s shoes, they turn their attention to Mrs. Still-A-Douche.

She has conveniently gone to the bathroom, and Jane busts up guns blazing. Then lesbians everywhere get a dose of ultimate role-playing fantasy realization. First Jane Rizzoli points a gun at Dana Fairbanks. Then Jane Rizzoli cuffs Dana Fairbanks. It’s like fan-fiction sprung to life. The only way it could be better if Maura was in there with a whip going, “You’ve been a naughty, naughty little lesbian.” But perhaps that’s coming later. At least I know it is in my head.

Dana Kate explains that she killed them because her “dickhead” husband (Jane’s word, not mind) couldn’t nut up and do it himself to save his company and their millions. You know, having Ilene Chaiken kill you has really changed you, Dana. You used to be so sweet. And you definitely wouldn’t have killed anymore. OK, maybe Tonya – but she deserved it. I still think she murdered Mr. Piddles.

Case closed, the only logical thing for our ladies to do next is play a game of tennis. That’s because the mere sight of Erin Daniels makes gay women everywhere long for a nice, firm racket. Does this show know its audience or what? To make the straight people happy they have to mention Lt. Col. Beard Force again. Jane says she got butterflies in her stomach when they talked. Yeah, it’s called nausea. Take some Pepto and kiss Maura, you’ll feel so much better. Maura says she is “lovesick” and then hits the tennis ball with a mighty wallop. Projecting just a tad, doctor?

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