“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.13): Having a good-looking LLBFF is the best revenge

Next jump cut to, the St. Dominic’s Class of ’94 Reunion with Jane and Maura standing together like the best dressed couple at Gay Prom. Maura obviously employed “the hard way” to get Jane to come. And, again, I bemoan the lack of surveillance cameras in Jane’s bedroom. Also bemoaning the lack of said cameras? Giovanni, who comes striding up to greet the ladies in all his gold-necklaced glory. Man, I missed that crazy face licker.

The look on Jane’s face is one of familiar panic. Despite everything, she’s just not quite ready to be loud and proud with Maura. So Giovanni tries to kick open the closet door for her and asks if our resident LLBFFs are still together. Jane, who can’t really lie as an officer worn to uphold the law and all, says “Yes, yes, we are still together.” Maura, who is obviously more ready to be open and out, snuggles in close to her lady for emphasis.

Giovanni says it’s nice they’re still a couple and Jane quickly pushes Maura away so no one else sees. God, the closet is a sad place. Though Jane can’t really hide her true intentions because she pushes Maura away by the boob. Copping a feel in public isn’t exactly the best way to keep your little secret, Janey dear. But, considering how amazing The Rack of God looks in Dat Dress, you know why her hand was automatically drawn there. It was helpless against the hot.

Mean Girl No. 1, Debbie, comes up to Jane and asks if it’s Mrs. somebody now. Jane replies, “Mrs. Detective Jane Rizzoli.” Oh, Jane, Jane – the correct answer is Mrs. Doctor Maura Isles. Sheesh. Debbie, on the other hand, ended up marrying “Computer Geek Clique” dork Eddie, who was friends with Jane in high school. Maura bonds with him, as they were both geeks, and Debbie says she is now too as a plant activist.

Jane takes her cue and writes Maura her own special name tag reading, “GEEK.” And then she quite helpfully puts it on for her. And, again, she cops a quick feel. Though, this time I think it might only be out of politeness. She tapped Maura’s right boob the first time, so this time she gave some loving to the left. You have to keep things balanced otherwise the ladies get jealous, you know what I mean?

Maura gets all excited at the sight of the punch bowl, because she’s Maura and just the cutest, sexiest, geekiest thing ever. While she pours herself a glass Jane looks over and sees a pair of Double-Ds in a tight dress and freaks out a little. It’s Emily, her former BFF who dumped her in the eighth grade. I know, honey, it’s always awkward running into an ex. Mrs. Ex-BFF Big Boobs is married to Steve, a nice guy Jane dated once. Well, it was high school, these things happen. I think we can safely say Jane is a Breast Gal. Though as impressive as Emily’s are, Maura’s are so much better. Size isn’t everything, amirite ladies?

Jane introduces Maura as her friends and Giovanni reappears to call it, “a real waste.” Maura, knowing Jane’s issues with the out thing, over qualifies. “We’re just friends. Not friends-friends. Just close friends. Well, not that close.” Me thinks the lady doth protest too much. Even Mrs. Ex-BFF Big Boobs was all, “Honey, it’s OK. Gays can even serve openly in the military now. Chill.”

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