“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.11): Three is a crowd

Mama R is watching a Fox News program I will not mention by name on Maura’s plasma TV. She likes how the big-screen brings out the color in the conservative TV show host’s Irish blue eyes. Maura is taken aback that Mama R likes said conservative TV show host, as he is pretty much a horrible in every possible way. Also, he has a turkey neck. There, I said it.

But Mama R only has a thing for his Irish blue eyes, not his politics. In fact, she is watching his show on mute, because he’s too opinionated and gets on her nerves. Well, she has that part right. So I guess it’s like a James Carville and Mary Matalin thing? I dunno, but Maura doesn’t get it either.

But I do know that I also have to fight the urge to mute my TV every time he comes on screen. In fact, before the episode aired I had considered cutting out a picture of Rachel Maddow’s head and taping it to a popsicle stick to hold up and cover you-know-who whenever he appeared on screen. But then I ran out of time. Also, if I made a Rachel popsicle head, I’d have to make Jane and Maura ones, too, and then I’d have to stop the show and stage some sort of Naughty Lesbian Puppet Theatre and then this recap would never get done. But definitely file that under: “Things to do while the show is on break this summer.”

Right, where were we. Oh, yes – that guy. He who shall henceforth be referred to as O’Really? (said in the patented Jane Rizzoli “Really?” voice), is actually talking about Jane’s case on his show. And there she is on screen, perp walking Little T with Korsak.

And then Jane walks in to Maura’s place for real. I have to pause my television because so much lesbian is happening all at once I’m overwhelmed — like going to your first Indigo Girls concert overwhelmed. Or your first Women’s Studies class overwhelmed. Or, you know, your first room with a big poster on the door that says “Lesbians Inside” overwhelmed. Lord, where do I start?

Well, first, Jane waltzes into Maura’s house without knocking – and promptly chastises her for not locking the door. So we’ve got possessiveness and protectiveness right off the bat. Then, she’s carrying all the groceries up in one trip, which any gay woman will tell you is a badge of honor among our people. Two trips are for wusses. Among the groceries is a six-pack of beer. No further explanation needed there. While all this is happening Maura watches lovingly, hands in pockets. Let the butch do the work, is what I always say. And finally, Mama R watches over the whole scene. Because what best friends don’t hang out with one of their mom’s all the time?

Jane sees what’s on TV and says “No, no, no, no, no, no. Turn that crap off.” I hope everyone got a good chuckle out of the fact that even real-life conservative Angie Harmon is calling O’Really? crap. Jane even calls him B.O. I should be intellectual about all of this, but mostly I just want to giggle like a third grader.

Mama R tells her he is covering her case and Jane demands she turn back on the TV. Oh, Janey, the ego is a powerful thing. O’Really? blathers on about truth, justice and the American way and somehow restrains himself from asking for President Obama’s birth certificate.

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