“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.10): Hurt her and I’ll kill you, no really

At the jail, Warden Bulls–t tries to tell Jane she can only have half an hour with Hoyt. She tells him in no uncertain words that she will take as damn long as she pleases and he can shove it where the hysterical don’t shine. Then Maura gives him a passing smirk like, “Yeah, that’s my Det. Sexy McBadass. Later I’m going to let her unwrap me for her birthday. So suck on that.”

The jail guard lets Jane and Maura in to see Hoyt. He tells her to come closer, again. Look, when a serial killer tells you to “come closer,” you do not come closer. But Jane does and then he grabs her by the throat and throws her down. Instead of helping, the guard grabs Maura and says he’ll watch. I think I speak for the collective Rizzles fandom when I say, HOLY CRAP.

Hoyt and his jailer apprentice have Jane and Maura bound with zip ties. Hoyt threatens Jane with the taser and Maura lets out a strangled “No!” It’s the scream of someone whose true love is being tortured, because that’s pretty much what is happening.

Hoyt says he wants company because he is dying and will take Jane and Maura with him. Well, not to state the obvious, but he does specialize in killing couples in front of each other. He makes a slash on Jane’s neck. Maura weeps violently. I need a hug. Who needs a hug? For the love of God, someone hug me.

Then Hoyt goes after Maura and it’s Jane’s turn to let out a strangled, “No!” Jane screams, “Don’t you touch her,” but Hoyt doesn’t listen and zaps her with the taser. He then gives Maura a matching slash on her neck. Look, I’m all for lesbian couples looking alike but matching scars is perhaps a tad over the top.

Hoyt hurting Maura is all Jane needs to Hulk out and go all ape doodoo on the jail guard. She head butts him and kicks him in the nuts. Then tasers him for good measure. I repeat, do not touch Jane’s woman. Then she goes after Hoyt. Oh, children, this is going to be good.

Furious Det. Jane Rizzoli is a thing of frighteningly ferocious beauty. She knocks him to the ground. They struggle for the scalpel. She gets it and screams, “I win!” before plunging it into his heart. Hello, Travelocity, I’d like to reserve one solo ticket to hell, please.

Listen up criminals: Do not hurt Jane’s woman; you wouldn’t like what Jane does to you when you hurt her woman. Korsak and Frost arrive in time to shoot the jail guard. Then a bloodied Jane sobs into Korsak’s arms, which I guess is understandable because Maura is still weakened from the tasering and all.

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