“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.10): Hurt her and I’ll kill you, no really


Jane walks in on Frankie and Maura on the couch and says they should “at least close the blinds.” She speaks from experience. It’s always awkward when the medical examiner’s office interns walk in on Jane unzipping Maura.

Frankie leaves without his anxiety relief, saying he didn’t want to be a detective anyway. This confuses Maura’s logic circuitry, which in turn triggers Jane’s incredulity circuitry. You’d think all these years of being with Jane would make Maura better at picking up on sarcasm. You’d be wrong. Jane asks if Maura is trying to drive her crazy. God, I hope so – in a sexy, naughty way.

I love how Angie Harmon doesn’t even have to say her trademark “Really?” anymore. Her face says it for her.

Jane says they have to go to the jail to investigate the attack on the poor, well-scrubbed inmate from earlier. But instead of letting Jane and her swagger breeze on in, they stop her and Maura at the entrance like common criminals. Warden Price tells them they need to go through full security. Jane disgustedly says, “This is bulls–t.” Look at TNT getting all hardcore with the foul language.

Jane tells Maura that Warden Bulls–t used to be a big-time defense attorney before he pulled strings to get the warden job. But he is still sore about all the times Jane and Korsak beat him in court. When Maura sets off the metal detector he says she needs a pat-down. A female prison guard commands Maura to “Turn around. Spread your legs.” Um, I’m pretty sure that’s Jane’s line.

The pat down is indeed very thorough as she even pats “up there.” Though, you really can’t blame the prison guard for taking her shot. I mean, if I had a chance to pat Maura’s “up there,” I’d do it, too. Jane, however, is less than amused. All patting that makes Maura make this face should be done exclusively by her.

During the extended grope and tickle session the stabbed inmate dies, which only further incenses Jane. She even deploys the Ponytail of Righteous Justice while surveying the crime scene. She asks for the victim’s records and Warden Bulls–t says not until he sees a subpoena. Jane asks him if he really intends to be such an asshat and he calls her “hysterical.” To channel Whoopi Goldberg for a minute, “Warden Bulls–t, you in danger, girl.”

Korsak and Frost show up, equally displeased about an unwelcome frisking. She tells them Warden Bulls–t called her “hysterical” and Frost calls him a “dick” and says he’s surprised “his balls aren’t in his throat right now.” See, even big, tough police detectives know you do not mess with Det. Jane Rizzoli.

As they’re examining the victim’s body in the infirmary, a thin, raspy voice chimes in from behind a curtain. It’s none other than Jane’s own personal boogieman, serial killer and major creep Charles Hoyt.

For those who might have forgotten, Hoyt is a very bad man who does very bad things to couples. He also has a very bad thing for Jane. He stabbed her in the hands, she returned the favor and also shot a flare into his ugly Skeletor face. And now, despite murdering nine people, he is in a infirmary instead of a maximum security prison because he is dying of cancer. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.

Hoyt is his normal creepy self, imploring Jane to come closer and showing off his latest reading material. Though, he does have good taste in books. Hey, Tess Gerritsen, hey. Book author shout-outs are all the rage this season. Remember when Sookie Stackhouse was reading Charlaine Harris at the kitchen table?

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