“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.10): Hurt her and I’ll kill you, no really

First things first: Let’s bring it in for a big Rizzles gals group hug. It’s the summer finale, which means no more gayzzoli or eye sex or TGTGT until the show returns November 28. Also, this episode is kind of intense. So put on your big-girl pants, hold your LLBFF close and let’s watch Det. Jane Rizzoli and Dr. Maura Isles kick some evildoer ass together one more time this season.

It’s a bad morning to be wearing orange — well at least jailhouse orange. A young lad who looks entirely too fresh-faced and well-scrubbed to be in prison has just posted bail when he is shanked in the bathroom. The Rizzoli & Isles production crew really went all-out on its fake blood budget here.

Back in Maura’s office, she is showing Mama Rizzoli a “sleep coach” she bought Jane for her birthday. It involves some kind of She-Ra Princess of Dorkiness headband that calculates sleep cycles. Maura demonstrates and Mama R looks on horrified and tells her to send it back because Jane will “never get married” while wearing it. Oh, Mama R, of course Jane can still get married – it’s legal now in Massachusetts, remember?

Also, can we talk about how Maura even looks sexy wearing that She-Ra Princess of Dorkiness headband? I think it’s physically impossible for Sasha Alexander and her pretty, shiny hair to look bad. In fact, I think it’s now one of the official laws of physics.

Maura is stressing out about what to get Jane with her future mother-in-law. Mama R says her daughter is getting a surprise party whether she likes it or not. Those two are already plotting together for things they can do to Jane – just like family.

Speaking of family, Frankie walks in looking for a little stress relief from Maura. No, no – not that kind of stress relief. This is the good Rizzoli brother who would never play sexy chess with his sister’s girlfriend. Frankie is just looking for help to calm his anxiety before his detective’s exam. His mom adds to his anxiousness instead, asking if he is worried about putting on a little weight. Never change, Mama Rizzoli; never change.

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