“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.09): Check your mate

Jane and Korsak visit the victim’s sister. Her father was a longshoreman and injured on the job. The union said it was his fault because he was drinking, so her sister went to work at the docks to investigate. Back at the ME’s office, Dr. Pompous has found a SD card in the stomach contents. Then he crows about how he’ll be the one who broke the case and brought down Paddy Doyle. After Maura leaves, he even tries to sit in Maura’s chair. Now it’s Maura’s turn to have none of that.

But instead of going home and working out her frustrations in a fun sweaty way with Jane, she goes home and plays more chess with Tommy. She says she is intrigued by the assertiveness of his playing. Bad, Maura, wrong sibling. Luckily, a mobster breaks down her door and stops their game. Never before have I been so happy to see an armed home invasion.

The mobster brings in Paddy Doyle himself, who has been shot. She is forced at gunpoint to tend to her biological dad’s wounds. I know family reunions can be awkward, but this takes it to another level. Doyle asks if Tommy is her boyfriend. He may only be the sperm donor, but he recognizes bad boyfriend material when he sees it. She says he has no right to ask her personal questions while holding her hostage. A simple “no” would have also worked, too, Maura.

Tommy finds out Doyle is Maura’s biological father and starts asking questions. Was she adopted? How long has she known? Is this thing with my sister really serious? Doyle starts making strange sounds and his mob heavy hits Tommy to get Maura to help him. Good, maybe that’ll smack some sense into Tommy and he’ll stop putting the moves on his sister’s girlfriend. Doyle wakes up long enough to tell Maura she looks like her mother and she would like her. Maura tries to find out who she is, because Jaqueline Bisset is gorgeous and all but lacking in the warm milk and cookies nurturing department.

Back at the docks, Jane and Korsak return to question workers. Mr. Nice Tits sees her and grabs his junk at her. Did you know chimpanzees do that, too? Ask Maura all about it. Korsak tells him to cut it out because “this detective is a lady.” And then everyone laughs because, come on, Jane out butches everyone on the force and their fathers.

Mr. Nice Tits returns to plant a big hand on Jane’s ass. She takes him down with a swift arm twist and gets called a “freakin’ lezzie” for her troubles. I want to talk about how incredibly inappropriate this douche is with his chauvinist comments about tits and homophobic comments about lezzies. But, truth be told, he wasn’t entirely wrong about his content – just incredibly wrong about his delivery.

Another homicide comes in, this time it’s Doyle’s right-hand man. Dr. Pompous arrives on scene instead of Maura, which gets Jane’s Spidey sense tingling immediately. When he says Dr. Isles was unreachable, Jane bolts. What’s that, girl? Maura fell down the well? You’ve got to love it when Jane’s Lassie instincts kick in.

Jane gets to Maura’s apartment, gun blazing, ready to take out whoever is hurting her lady. See, Maura, that’s the sibling you go to in a crisis. The other one is just good for IMing silly emoticons. Maura tells Jane that Doyle said he was being framed – that he doesn’t kill women or children or innocents. Jane’s not buying it. But Tommy does, and says Jane didn’t see the way Doyle looked at Maura. He has a point; I’m guessing Tommy has plenty of practice watching someone else stare adoringly at Maura.

Jane comforts Maura the best way she knows how – with some Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching. At least, it’s the best way she knows how when there are other people present. How much do you want to bet a Rizzoli spent the night again, and I’m not talking about Tommy. Also, trust me, they didn’t spend all night just fondling their rooks.

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