“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.09): Check your mate

Jane asks the union rep if he knows who the female victim is. He says not too many “girls” work on the docks. Mr. Nice Tits comes over and identifies the woman as MJ, and says she walked off the job mid shift yesterday. He calls affirmative action hires bulls–t and says “no muscle, no use.” Maura counters that male and female muscle tissue is identical, what varies is the skeletal frame. But “men generally have less body fat [stares at Mr. Nice Tits’ huge gut], but not always.” Now it’s Sexist Comments 0, Maura Isles, 1.

The sexist wonder twins are saved from more humiliation when Jane and Maura hear a commotion outside. The low tide has uncovered the victim’s body. She is tied to one of the pier pylons with a picture pinned to her chest by an ice pick. Jane immediately recognizes the signature, but tells Maura it doesn’t mean he is back. But Maura knows, her biological dad and mob boss Paddy Doyle has returned.

Maura says she won’t conduct the autopsy because of her potential conflict of interest. Instead she is calling in Dr. Pike from one of the field offices. Korsak and Jane both groan – though Jane perhaps a little bit more because it’ll mean less special Maura time. Korsak, in turn, groans because Dr. Pike is a pompous ass with OCD. Jane asks what she’ll tell Dr. Pompous and Maura says she doesn’t have to tell him anything because she’s his boss. Mmm, bossy Maura.

An executive with the dock company tells Jane and Korsak that it’s the union workers with ties to the mob, not the nice beneficent corporation who are the problem. He wants to rid the docks of the union element. And Labor Day to you, too. Korsak says the union guys won’t talk. Then he does a Brando impersonation that makes Jane and everyone watching at home do this.

In the autopsy room, Dr. Pompous has arrived and is already disparaging the organization of Maura’s equipment. Also, he happens to be Ed Begley Jr. Jane says she doesn’t care that he played a doctor on St. Elsewhere, she shouldn’t let him treat her like that. Det. Jane Rizzoli does not take kindly to people putting down her woman’s professional skills. Not kindly at all.

He calls Doyle a butcher and Maura leaves the room. Jane follows and tells her not to let Dr. Pompous get to her. Jane tries to reassure her by saying Doyle was only her sperm donor and that as lesbians they know all about the nature v. nurture aspect of parenting. Jane reassures Maura further saying “judging by the amazing person you turned out to be, his DNA didn’t win.” Good Girlfriend Jane is one of my favorite Janes.

Maura, however, is in Bad Girlfriend mode and IMing chess moves with Tommy in the office. Jane is having none of that flirty emoticon nonsense. Also, what’s up with Tommy using the screen name “Tommyboi?” Is he trying to pass himself off as a butch lesbian? Because, I’m pretty sure Jane already has that covered. Maura tries to justify their IMing by saying she keeps in touch with Jane throughout the day, too – hopefully with some extra naughty emoticons included. Jane says it must be because of her “amazing long bones.” Well, yes, among other things.

Just then the elevator pings and Jane spazzes out when she sees who exits. No, really, I mean it. She runs around, hides behind Maura and finally stashes herself away against a door. The only way that scene could have been more perfect is if Jane wound up hiding in Maura’s closet.

The person who caused such Scooby Dooian-levels of zaniness in Jane is the sensitivity trainer. She wants to dialogue with Jane, but was told she was in Maura’s office – because Jane is always in Maura’s office and everyone knows it. For a sensitivity trainer she should really be more sensitive to the fact that Maura and Jane are partners and give them their personal space.

Maura does her best non-lying lying and says she can’t see Jane right now. Which, technically, is true since she is facing forward and Jane is off to the side. The emo Nazi leaves and Korsak comes looking for Jane instead. He has a lead on the victim. Sarcastic Jane shows up instead, and gives him a dose of her best sensitivity babble. Maura watches on adoringly. Sarcastic Jane must be one of Maura’s favorite Janes.

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