“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.09): Check your mate

 
 

As they head to the crime scene, Jane goes for the direct approach and tells Maura, “Do not sleep with my brother.” Maura says it hadn’t even occurred to her – on account of being gay an all – but teases her saying “he does have exquisite long bones.” Good thing it runs in the family, eh Maura?

She then says it is his mind she is most attracted to, which makes Jane snort. Tommy barely graduated high school. Jane tells Maura when Tommy becomes a chess champion, she can sleep with him. Maura asks, “Really?” and Jane clarifies, “No.” See kids, simple direct communication is the key to any successful relationship.

At the scene, they find a car with blood inside but no body. Seems the women we saw desperately trying to get away before the opening credits didn’t make it. Her car has been stripped of parts, so Jane tells one of the nearby officers to spread the word the police will pay triple for anything salvaged. The officer gives Jane the once over and then huffily says his name is Officer Duncan. Jane asks Korsak what that was all about and he says people like to be acknowledged. And then he reminds her of the mandatory sensitivity training she hasn’t attended yet. I would watch a whole episode of just Jane in sensitivity training, I really would. Think of the comic potential, people.

But Jane has not time to sit with some “emo Nazi.” I am now envisioning a bunch of floppy haired rockers in skinny jeans singing about their feelings with Fuhrer mustaches. Please, let this not become a trend. That means you, Park Slope hipsters – don’t go getting any funny ideas.

Frost finds the car owner’s ID, and it appears she worked on the docks. Korsak says she is probably a secretary and Jane calls him on his sexist remark assumption. Maura pitches in and says even though the victim is 5’2″, she could easily lift twice her body weight. Jane heads to the docks and tells Maura, “You, of course, are coming with me.” Wow, now they’re actually playing the drinking game for us.

Maura teases Jane some more, saying she thinks she is intentionally trying to keep her from her chess game. Jane says she isn’t worried about all their hot knight to queen to castle action, she just drove Maura there. Oh, Jane, never let the emo Nazis change you.

Before we proceed, I feel we need to take a moment to fully appreciate Jane’s outfit. I know Det. Olivia Benson is the original Butchy McFabulous, but Jane has made a clear case for the title here. For the love of hotness, please let this case be solved all in one day so Jane stays in these clothes the whole time.

At the docks, a worker cat calls our gals with “Hey baby, nice tits.” Well, he isn’t wrong. Jane asks if guys really think women will run over and tear off their clothes after that. Well, certainly not gay women. Maura says men can’t help it, it’s a natural chemical response to female pheromones. And then have flirty eye sex while talking about abundant breasts. Jane then states the obvious and says the guy doesn’t have a “snowball’s chance in hell.” This show, you guys – how can you not love it?

The union rep walks up to Jane and Maura and asks what he can do for “you lovely ladies.” Jane, who has all the male pheromones she can handle, snaps back, “That’s a doctor and I’m a detective.” In case you were keeping score, so far that’s Sexist Comments, 0; Jane Rizzoli 3.

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