“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.07): Something rhymes with witchy this way comes

Jane and Maura go to meet with the coven members. Again, it’s totally normal to bring the medical examiner along on an interrogation because, depending on your favorite crime procedural, suspect interviews are routinely done by CSIs, novelists and/or mentalists.

The coven members are predictably gothy. Piercings, tattoos and enough eyeliner to make Robert Smith fall in love – and not just on Fridays. Now it’s Jane’s turn to surprise Maura with her knowledge of Salem history – it was her favorite field trip and she’s been there six times. Aw, someone secretly loved watching all those Charmed marathons with Maura.

The coven leader — we’ll call him Mr. Nipple Rings for reasons that will be all-too clear later — invites Jane & Co. to a séance where they’ll ask the murdered woman herself who done it. Jane isn’t thrilled at the idea but Maura declares it fun, “like travelling to Borneo.” Hey, lesbians, tell your friends: “Travel to Borneo” is the new “Think of Estonia.” I think Pam Swynford De Beaufort would approve.

But before they can get to Borneo, Jane and Maura run into Mama Rizzoli who is thrilled with her new granddaughter because she chews with her mouth closed and uses a napkin. The soft bigotry of low expectations strikes again. Mama R asks Maura to host a family get together, because the whole Rizzoli family lives at her house anyway. Jane gives Maura a death glare and calls her a “buttinski.” If I was Maura, I’d slip Jane a little Midol, STAT.

Jane and Korsak go to interview the father of Sabrina – the coven’s looks teenage but probably twentysomething witch. He happens to be a reverend who happens to be convinced his daughter is now a devil worshiper. Oh, and their family is descendants of Sarah Good, one of the first women accused of and killed for witchcraft in Salem. With a family backstory like that, imagine the fun it is to fill out medical history forms at the doctor’s office.

Finally, it’s séance time or, more accurately, three goth kids have a threesome while the entire Boston homicide division watches time. There is the suggestive feeding of figs (which, if you’ve ever eaten a fresh fig, isn’t really that hard to do – those suckers were born the be drawn by Georgia O’Keeffe.) Maura tells Jane that feeding and sexual intercourse are part of some ritual somewhere. All Jane heard was “This guy is going to have sex with these girls” and she’s like, “I’m out.” Korsak and Frost, however, are very much in.

Our threesome breaks out the Ouija Board and any minute now I expect them to start playing “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board” and then hide Sabrina’s bra in the freezer. But Korsak is a little freaked out by all the black magic, so Frost offers to let him hold his hand. Stop being so cute, you two. I’ve already committed to the Frostie ship.

Mr. Nipple Rings has some sort of “convulsion” which is an elaborate excuse for him to show off his shirtless abs. He says the killer is near and then all the candles blow out. I’m pretty sure Korsak squeezed the hell out of Frost’s hand at this point.

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