“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.07): Something rhymes with witchy this way comes


Jane gets saved by her phone and they’re off on a case. But not before Maura deems the bunny pancakes “yummy.” I hope you’re taking notes for next Valentine’s Day, Jane. Fudge clusters and bunny pancakes and you’re golden.

As they walk up to the crime scene, Jane and Maura both put on their latex gloves expertly. Something tells me those two have a lot of practice slipping on gloves. Safety first ladies, am I right?

Maura says she’ll have to do a full autopsy to identify the gender of the burned up dearly deceased. But Jane, being the expert Maura Whisperer that she is, goads her by saying it’s obviously male. Maura corrects her that the less pronounced supra-orbital ridges indicate female. And then she realizes Jane just made her guess again. Jane does a little victory hip thrust in celebration. Something tells me those two have plenty of practice doing that together, too.

Back at headquarters, Jane gives Frankie a hard time about Hurricane Teresa coming back, and the Camry he bought her. Frostie fans should be happy for the gentle ribbing Frost gives Frankie when he finds out about the car. I hope those two crazy kids can work it out. But Frankie is in no mood and breaks the cardinal rule of good brothers of gay sisters. He teases Jane about a boy she once liked. He says she even “started wearing dresses.” It’s OK, Jane. We all go through a phase where we think, “Well, this guy’s not so bad. Maybe if I worse a dress and I pretended he looked like Angelina Jolie this could work out.” Spoiler alert: It doesn’t.

At the murdered woman’s house, Korsak finds and immediately bonds with her orphaned cat. I swear, everyone is a lesbian on this show. But Jane proves that she is definitely a dogbian instead of a catbian when she fails to recognize the kitty’s pink nail caps. Also, side note: Those buggers are not easy to get on your cat – and I have the scars to prove it.

In woman’s basement, they find an altar with assorted witchy bric-a-brac. Skull, here; eye of newt , there. Jane Facetimes the scene to Maura. Wow, she was really fast at pulling that program up. I wonder what else those two Facetime together.

Though I dare say their Facetime session has the result it normally does, as Maura rushes right over to see Jane right away. While Maura tests the blood on the scene, Jane hovers. Maura tells her to quit and Jane quips, “Somebody did get a visitor today.” Sharing food and shushing in public, fine. Showing how well you know your girlfriend’s cycle in public, uh-uh. Dr. Maura Isles is not amused.

Then Maura dazzles Jane, Frost and Korsak with her knowledge of all things Wicca and witchcraft. Look in Maura’s DVD cabinet and it’s just box sets of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed and the special collector’s edition of The Craft. Maura pays special attention to the love spell our poor witch, Helen, was casting. Though, we all know Maura doesn’t need any spell to keep Jane bewitched.

For those of you who slept through the chapter on the Salem Witch Trials of 1692 in high school, Jane and Frost provide us with a little crash history lesson. The deceased’s family was one of the earliest settlers of Salem and her family land was passed down through over 300 years. Then Frost and Jane reminisce about how bad things were for women slaves in colonial Boston while giving Korsak the hairy eyeball. This moment of awkwardness was brought to you by centuries of straight white male privilege.

You how even if you can really, really love your girlfriend sometimes her little quirks just make you want to hit yourself in the head with a 2×4 until you blessedly lose consciousness and forget all about her tendency to put the OJ back in the fridge with only one sip left in the carton. So Jane seems to be having one of those days with Maura. She has no patience with Maura’s typically clinical answer to a question and demands a simple “yes or no.” Are we sure Jane isn’t the one with the visitor because, hello, rhymes with witch.

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