Maura, meanwhile, is loving her colonial costume – but not the beer. After taking a big swig we get our very first Dr. Maura Isles spit take.
She then declares that “18th Century beer sucks,” which finally earns a laugh from Jane who turns in a fit of giggles only to see the sniper across the street aiming into the room. She screams, everyone ducks, then Jane and Frost go tearing out into the street after the car. Note to producers: While Jane Rizzoli may dislike wearing dresses, please find as many situations as possible where she has to run in them. Because, you know, yummy.
After an unsuccessful interview with the owner of the getaway car (who has some serious mother-daughter issues of her own, as if the night’s theme wasn’t clear enough), the team puzzles over what her motive could be. Jane also puzzles over how the Korsak’s parakeet made a miraculous recovery. Jane makes a mental note to check Maura’s pockets for pet store receipts later. Then Maura walks in wearing a gold jacket and leopard dress and all of Jane’s thought processes come to a screeching halt.
Maura notices the healthy crackers Korsak is eating and gives closure to the world’s most drawn-out fart joke. His chest pains weren’t a heart attack, just excess gas. Boy, the writers really worked hard for that punchline. But Maura is more interested in working something else, a date with Jane to her mom’s art opening. Jane tries to decline, but Korsak and Frost act as Maura’s wingmen and insist our two lovebirds leave together. Good job, fellas.
At the instillation Maura isn’t on the list, so Jane flashes her badge and gets them in. Mother Ice Queen forgot to put her own daughter on the guest list? Now that’s cold. Jane has had about all she can take and sends Maura off to get them drinks she can “get to know your mother better.” She then makes a crack about the plastic water bottle artwork and Mother Isles says she can see why Maura likes her. Um, yeah, so can anyone with eyes.
She calls Jane direct and Jane corrects that she is “protective” and says that Maura is her “best friend.” But we all know “best friend” really means “LLBFF” and “LLBFF” really means “Lesbian Lovers But Faking as Friends.” So way to come out to Maura’s mom, Jane. Mini-pride parade through Boston, y’all.
While the first rule in the Good Girlfriend Handbook is comfort your sweetheart when faced with parental disappointment, the second rule is to confront the disappointing parents head-on and tell them to stop hurting the woman you love. So Jane earns her girlfriend gold star and then some as when she tells Mother Ice Queen that she doesn’t like seeing her “best friend” hurt.
Det. Jane Rizzoli will not abide anyone making her Maura feel bad. Not now, not ever. Nor will she accept Mother Ice Queen’s excuses about being too busy when Maura was growing up and Maura being too busy now. Even her admission that she was never any good at being a mother doesn’t melt Jane’s resolve. Honey, here’s a dust pan to pick up the pieces of your shattered ego. You’ve been officially Rizzolied.