“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.06): Mama said there’d be days like this

 
 

But then she quickly snaps back into Maura mode and is unwilling to identify the kind of wound that killed him for Jane, save from it definitely not being from a bite. Jane’s face does that whole “it’s torture sometimes” contortion again and she makes a mental note to bring this up in their next session with their couples counselor, Earth Rainn Songwomyn.

When a few of the reenactors try to move a cannon out of the way, Jane gets all not-in-my-crime scene and confronts the group leader. Hey, it’s John-Boy. Maura recognizes him right away, though not as the eldest of the seven Walton children. Instead he is Professor Kravitz, the chair of American history at Boston-Cambridge University and leading authority on colonialism. Maura says she’s a big fan.

Jane does not appreciate Maura being a big fan of anyone but Jane Rizzoli, or giving anyone her flirty smile. So instantly you can tell she doesn’t like Prof. John-Boy. I don’t either, but I think that’s because I’ve seen Richard Thomas play one-too-many murderous very special guest stars on crime shows over the years.

At the lab, Korsak confesses to Dr. Isles that he has been experiencing shortness of breath, despite his new diet and exercise regime. While I know she is a legit medical doctor, it still seems a little strange asking someone who works with dead bodies for health advice. Just saying. Later Frost and Korsak also get into a discussion about veganism, based on Korsak’s new healthier diet. So welcome back into the fold, vegan lesbians.

Maura finds transfer on the bullet fragment, which ricocheted off the iron cannon before hitting the garbage man. So it turns out it wasn’t an anti-recycling activist who killed him after all. Maura tries to impress Jane with her trigonometry skills to find the trajectory of the bullet. But she really impresses her when she takes off her heels and climbs a tree to reach the shooter’s perch.

Ten bucks says Jane just flashbacked fondly to her tomboy days climbing trees. Maura further impresses her by saying she was “Best Tree Climber” during year six at her boarding school. Hey, Rizzoli & Isles writers, boarding schools have a long and proud cinematic history of fostering lesbian activities. Just thought you should know in case you wanted to do any flashbacks to Maura’s younger days.

Jane and Maura go to visit Prof. John-Boy. He has his female teaching assistant working as a domestic slave, for authenticity sake. He says his students need to experience a culture to understand it. So does that mean all of his female students need to be either a laundry lady, nurse, seamstress or domestic slave? Because, wow, sign me up for that class.

As they head back into the station, Maura receives a call from her mother. She is coming a day early, which sends our normally calm doctor into a fit of hyperventilation.

Jane tells her girlfriend to pull it together. She’s not used to seeing flustered Maura, save for maybe when she undresses and drives. So she manhandles her into the building and straight up to see her mother. Jane asks her ma if she can whip up a three-course meal for them in the cafeteria. Because, you know, that’s a perfectly normal thing to ask your mom to do for a friend. Maura insists it should be an 11-course meal and then reels off names of courses I’ve never heard of, let alone eaten. Jane counters with peanut butter and fluff sandwiches or takeout. You just know Maura has a jar of marshmallow fluff somewhere in her kitchen just for Jane.

As the detectives work the case into the night, Jane realizes she should be at Maura’s. Because that’s where she is always supposed to be, day or night. So she runs off in the middle of a case and no one bats an eye. Because, again, that’s what Jane does – she goes to Maura. At Maura’s, the hostess is fretting and Mama Rizzoli calls her “the perfect daughter.” I think she meant daughter-in-law, but semantics. Jane walks in and plops a box of cannolis on the table. You’d think she plunked down a box of frosted cowpies, what with everyone’s horrified reaction.

But there’s no time to worry about such unsophisticated desserts, because the doorbell rings. Jane calms Maura saying, “You look beautiful” and Maura gives one last nervous spin for Jane’s approval. She opens the door and we all get an eyeful of Mother Isles.

Now, I know Maura is adopted, but the resemblance between Sasha Alexander and Jacqueline Bisset is pretty uncanny. I’ll have to consult the Human Genome Project to find out whether the gorgeous and sophisticated gene is hereditary.

Jane wonders, too, and calls the meeting of the Isles women and the Rizzoli women “country mice meet city mice.” At dinner, Mother Isles tells them how she will be lecturing in Stockholm on the “objectification of the female form in post-war modernism.” Mama Rizzoli says she knows all about the objectification of the female form. I kind of love Mama R, but Mother I – not so much.

Because the “I” might as well stand for Ice Queen. She says she didn’t come to Boston to visit Maura, but to open an instillation. And she’s too tired for dessert and needs to leave. Maura is all, “But mom, I thought you were staying with me. I made up the guest room in the finest 1,000-thread-count sheets sprinkled with gold flakes and steamed with all the lonely tears I cried for your affection.”  At least that’s what I heard.

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