“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.05): Unzip me, baby, one more time

This being the race for the playoffs and this being a baseball town, Jane runs into roadblocks trying to investigate the star player’s involvement. So she rolls up on Mega in his Ferrari and gives him the patented Det. Jane Rizzoli stare down. He should crumble like a paper plane, but he’s too much of a douche to notice how out machoed he is by Jane. So since no one is talking, Jane resorts to giving Mr. Interrogate Me a call. Desperate times, people, desperate times.

Jane walks into Maura’s office wondering what “Le Beau Truc” (or “Truck,” as she pronounces it) is. Maura tells her it’s a brilliant five-star French restaurant.  It’s the restaurant Mr. Interrogate Me picked to have their interro-date. Maura calls it “Le Booty Call.” She just relishes in teasing Jane, doesn’t she. But when Jane asks if her work suit is good enough to wear there, Maura is considerably less amused.

Now, everyone grab a fresh drink. Hell, grab the whole bottle. Your glass will be empty and your sobriety will be over after this sequence.

Maura has an idea. It’s kind of the best idea pretty much ever. She starts to disrobe and then spins around instructing Jane to “Unzip me.” Yes, Maura’s immediate response to Jane telling her she is going to a fancy restaurant with a guy is to have Jane undress her. Like I was saying, best idea ever.

Jane’s a little, “What? Here? In the office? The shades aren’t even drawn.” But Maura is very convincing when she has to be. They’re going to swap clothes. Jane protests that Maura’s dress won’t fit over her booty, but Maura has seen her booty and knows better. Jane’s joy at being in a dress is, clearly, boundless. p.s. This is the exact face I used to make as a kid every time my mom made me wear a dress for a special occasion.

Jane whines that she smells like decomp so Maura spritzes her with perfume –all over. She even gives Jane what looks like the special down-below booty call spritz. Though we all know that’s for her own benefit because Maura will be the one unzipping Jane later that night.

But Jane is still wearing her black socks/black boots combo and Maura will have none of that “fashion homicide.” She orders Jane to put on her heels. Can I just say how much I am loving bossy, undress-for-me Maura this season? She’ll even resort to doing it “the hard way” if necessary. Jane rightfully whines that the shoes are too small, so Maura does the unthinkable. She willingly takes a scalpel to her super-expensive, haute-couture heels and turns them into peep toes just for Jane.

Yep, because all straight friends willingly butcher heels that cost an entire paycheck just so their friends can wear them comfortably. The look on Jane’s face says she knows the sacrifice Maura just made for feet. And the look on Maura’s face says she loves seeing her handsome detective all glammed up. Hell, she even flat out says it: “You look sexy.”

Jane replies in kind, “You look like …you’re wearing my clothes.” Which, clearly, is also sexy. No, really, how sexy is Maura in Jane’s clothes? I feel like we’re present at the invention of the Butch/Femme Reese Peanut Butter Cup. You got your Rizzoli in my Isles! You got your Isles in my Rizzoli! Two great looks that look great together!

Their mutual admiration society is interrupted when Tommy calls with some crisis. Jane runs out and orders Maura to follow in an attempt to salvage her status as bossypants of the house. But Jane still has on her other boot, leaving Maura to run behind her waving just a sock. I feel like this is a scene that has played itself out before countless time, Maura running behind Jane after one or the other has grabbed the wrong piece of clothing off the floor in a hurry to get dressed.

So, just checking in – you guys still conscious? Time to start substituting water in the drinking game, or you’ll never make it to the end of this recap. Also, I hope you designated a driver.

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