“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.04): Evildoers beware the Ponytail of Righteous Justice

Back in the cafeteria, Mandy’s mom and brother have been up all night, and her brother has been drawing lighthouses non-stop. But they’ve never vacationed in Maine or anyplace else with lighthouses. So, um, clue! The license plate is probably from Connecticut. The boy also drew the suspect’s car with smoke coming from the back, so Jane makes car sounds to mimic a broken muffler for him. See, who needs big, dumb Giovanni when Jane can identity essential car repair via children’s drawings.

The state license plate and bum muffler lead Jane to a car with a fix it ticket, which leads Jane to a lady with a crazy driver’s license photo. You can always tell a when someone is guilty by her unfortunate and/or disheveled haircut. It’s a rule, ask Nick Nolte.

They put a police BOLO out on the car and find it quickly. Then just as they’re about to tail crazy unfortunate haircut woman back to where they’re keeping Mandy, some beat cop who doesn’t listen to his radio blows the undercover operation by showing up sirens blazing. Jane gives him the Pointy Finger of Righteous Indignation (copyright pending), while simultaneously slamming the suspect against the car. Now that’s multitasking I can truly appreciate.

Here’s another sign the crazy unfortunate haircut woman is crazy – she is an adult and she’s wearing a pink barrette. She won’t give up where Mandy is, but Jane knows better. “Oh, you’re going to talk to me,” she says in a way that almost makes me wish I was the suspect.

Back in the interrogation room, the woman and her creepy pink barrette aren’t talking. Instead she goes on about her partner being a “prophet.” I find referring to one’s significant others in biblical terms is almost never a good sign. This makes Jane very angry. Don’t make Jane angry, you wouldn’t like her when she’s angry. Wait, scratch that. Do make Jane angry, she’s super hot when she’s angry.

Maura returns to bring Jane the earlier victim’s envelope of paperwork from her father. Which, of course, turns out to be very important. Both Mandy and the other girl played soccer and were left handed. Maura says, “There is a lot of mythology associated with left-handedness that might trigger something in a sociopath. The devil is often portrayed as left handed.” Hm, well Jane is left handed. And she is one handsome devil. So, theory proven.

The soccer photographer turns out to be the suspect, so they storm his address. Jane has deployed her Ponytail of Righteous Justice (copyright also pending), so you know she means business.

Then as Rizzoli, Korsak and Frost search the house, the suspect comes screaming down the hall running at them with an axe. One axe versus three guns – whoever shall win? See Jane shoot suspect. See everyone shoot suspect. So, I guess this guy turned out to be less of a prophet and more of a total dumbass.

Jane finds Mandy tied up in the closet and they take her back to the police station where a touching family reunion ensues. Some touching TGTGT also ensues as Maura and Jane share a moment over this happy ending.

The happy reunion also prompts Jane to tell Maura that she is “never getting married – or having children.” Well, at least not until it’s legally recognized on a federal level. Maura purrs back, “You think that’ll protect you?” It certainly won’t from Maura with those who-needs-a-bedroom-let’s-do-it-on-the-sidewalk eyes.

So as Mandy and her family walk off, Jane implores Maura, “Now can we get a beer?” Yes, Jane. Beer, boxing, job-well-done eye sex. Whatever you want, baby, you’ve earned it.

And now for your totally traumatized #gayzzoli tweets from last night. Group hug, Rizzles gals, group hug.

Join us next week when Jane and Maura drink beer, talk about sports and discuss long “cylindrical objects.”

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