“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.04): Evildoers beware the Ponytail of Righteous Justice

But it’s not Mandy after all; it’s a different dead little girl. Jane wipes away a tear. I’m not sure I’m emotionally equipped to handle seeing Det. Jane Rizzoli cry. She put a bullet through her own abdomen to kill a bad guy. She wrestled a live grenade out of a man’s hands with her bare hands. She shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. No, wait. Not that last thing.

Maura examines the victim’s body back at the station. She had her chest bound to appear younger and on her sweatshirt there’s a large stain of tears and mucus. Maura guesses — yes things are so bad Maura is willingly guessing right now — that the tears came from someone the girl was holding against her chest. Also, if you picked “tears” as your drinking game word last night, you’re probably battling one hell of a hangover today.

Maura asks the dead girl to help them solve the case. Um, is she going to become the kind of medical examiner who talks to dead bodies? Because CSI: Miami had one of those and it was kind of creepy.

Back in the cafeteria Mandy’s mom bring her daughter’s laptop. She shows Jane some more pictures of Mandy and Jane says she looks grown-up and beautiful. But then she also says, “She looks strong.” I like that, I like that a lot. So often when we compliment little girls we just tell them how pretty or how beautiful they look. But rarely do we every say they looks strong. Does anyone else feel like a rousing recitation of Buffy’s “Are you ready to be strong” speech? Just me? Moving on.

Maura goes over what she found out about the dead girl with Jane. She is malnourished, sexually assaulted and held in captivity for three to five years. Jane brings up other couple abductees like Jaycee Dugard and Elizabeth Smart while questioning how the woman could be party to those unspeakable crimes. Me, I’m mostly wondering how quickly Jane and Maura can solve this case and then console each other with some serious cuddling time so I can stop thinking about all the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad things that go bump in the night and day.

As Jane leaves, Maura tells her she’s doing everything she can to help. Jane looks back, gives her some sweet ocular spooning – like eye sex, but comforting instead of hot – and says she knows she is. Maura then does that creepy talking to the dead person thing and calls her a “sweet girl.” Which, in turn, sends me into a spiral of Black Swan paranoia where I start to wonder if someone is going to sprout wings and/or make out with Mila Kunis.

Now comes the “The internet is scary!” segment of the show. Mandy has a MySpace, Facebook and Twitter account. (Wait, people still have MySpace accounts?) Mandy was IMing with her best friend, “suprgrrl97.” But it wasn’t her best friend who lured her to the park to abduct her, it was “suprgurrl97” . That second “u” makes all the difference. It’s at this point Korsak makes the requisite grumpy old man comment about how doesn’t “get all this texting and U-ming and I-ming.” Also, get off my lawn.

Maura comes in saying she wants to show Jane something. I bet you do, dirty girl. I bet you do. I know, I know – not the time or place. Maura tells Jane the Jane Doe has bruising on her right side of the body, even though she was left-handed. Jane, who is also left-handed, wonders why she would defend herself on her weaker side. Hey, remember that study that said lesbians have a 91 percent greater chance of being left-handed or ambidextrous than straight women? Yeah, me too.

Seems the victim was fighting with her weaker right side while protecting something – or more likely someone – with her stronger left side. Aw, man, the poor dead girl died a hero trying to protect Mandy? Go ahead, twist the knife in a little more. But, that does mean that Mandy is probably still alive. So Jane and Maura slip in a very quick celebratory eye sex session. Like I said, this episode is super serious; we take our subtext wherever we can get it.

By analyzing the enamel on the Jane Doe’s teeth, Maura discovers she grew up in an area with a lot of natural fluoride in the water. And then by researching water content by county, she is able to find where she grew up in. Which then quickly leads to the dead girl’s identity. Score one for nerdy science girls. After notifying the girl’s family, her father gives them the envelope he’s been carrying around for the four years his daughter has been missing with her documents and pictures. Remember that envelope, people, because no one hands anyone an envelope on TV unless it’s critically important to the plot.

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