“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.03): Will you be my LLBFF?

 
 

Though back at Maura’s apartment, she is choosing to ignore my air-tight logic and is instead on a date with GioverymuchnotJanei. She has bought an elaborate Italian feast for them: mussels posillipo, beef carpaccio with a black truffle oil and fettuccine alla grappa with organic baby tomatoes. But he doesn’t like little tomatoes and just wants spaghetti with butter. Refusing truffle oil on a first date? Dealbreaker.

Maura offers Giovastlyoverestimatinghissexappeali wine. He asks for beer. Even though Maura doesn’t drink beer, she has a fridge full. Probably because Jane drinks beer. Wait, I feel another syllogism coming up. Giovanni, who wouldn’t know a syllogism from a can of Silly String, chugs his beer and then tells Maura he just wants to get her naked and lick her face.

He then tries to do just that. Maura ducks the tongue bath and tells Giovanni she feels nauseated. Remember Jane’s reaction to boner texts? That’s pretty much Maura’s reaction to male offers of face licking, times 100. You keep using the word heterosexual, but I do not think it means what you think it means, Jane and Maura.

Maura runs to the office to find Jane to complain about her date with Gioivannalickyourfacei. I also think she’s trying to make Jane a little jealous. She asks how to get rid of him and Jane tells her to tell the truth. Yes, Maura, the truth. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the big, gay truth.

So then blah blah blah, killer in a naval officer uniform used a suitcase to transport the victim, blah blah blah, Frost has major daddy issues, blah blah blah, how quickly can Jane and Maura start Totally Gratuitous, Totally Gay Touching again, blah blah blah. But instead Jane engaged in some TGTGT with Korsak when she finds out her mom has started working in the police cafeteria.

Before we can scream, “Wrong person, dummy,” Maura bursts in carrying a giant pink fuzzy bear. Giovannagetacluei gave it to her because he thinks they’re in a relationship. Are we sure he’s not secretly a lesbian? He seems to be U-Hauling pretty hard.

He also told Maura he is waiting on special parts for Mama Rizzoli’s car and Maura worries he means her special parts. Jane clearly can’t have that so she tells Maura she has a solution. And then Maura rewards her with a pink fuzzy bear kiss. Sadly, that is not a euphemism. But it is adorable.

Unfortunately Jane’s genius plan of grossing Giovanni out by showing him Maura cutting open a skull during an autopsy backfire because he thinks it’s wicked cool. So Jane and Maura console themselves by eating a chicken pot pie Mama R has baked for Maura. So, let me get this straight. In this episode Maura and Jane have asked each other if they want to sleep together, kissed via stuffed bear proxy, and now eaten together out of the same bowl. Good God, just get naked and lick each other’s faces already.

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