“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.03): Will you be my LLBFF?

At the hospital, Jane and Maura are at the new victim’s beside. She looks terrible and her injuries are horrific. But she wakes up long enough to say something about dolphins and a blue light. It’s probably not the right time to say this, given the terrible nature of the crime and all, but Angie Harmon even has chemistry with her comatose female co-stars.

As they leave the hospital, Jane gets a text from her mom. “Homey, I need a boner.” Yeah, that’s going on damnyouautocorrect.com immediately. Jane freaks out, because that’s what gay ladies do when you text them about boners. Maura translates the text for Jane from icky back to mom, saying “Honey I need a loaner.” Whew, that’s so much less traumatizing.

Frost calls to say the sailor has a rock-solid alibi. Jane’s more concerned about why Frost didn’t tell her his dad was an admiral. So there, in the middle of a big multiple-rape and murder investigation, Jane and Maura process their feelings about this. Maura calls Jane and Frost site-specific friends. Jane asks Maura if they would be friends if they didn’t work together. Maura says they wouldn’t see each other if they didn’t work together. Jane replies that then they wouldn’t be friends. And, finally, Maura calls it a false syllogism. Yeah, but that thing I said about Maura loving Jane earlier? That’s a true syllogism.

Also true, all the amazing hair porn happening in this scene. Ladies, if you don’t make out sometime soon, can you please at least stand close enough so all that shiny, pretty, gently cascading hair can tangle together in the wind. Thank you.

Jane figures out the blue light the victim mentioned was some light-up weather vane thingie. And from that they figure out she must have been in a hotel. Since the victim also mentioned dolphins, they figure out which hotel. So to use another syllogism, dolphins helped crack the case. Dolphins are just gay sharks. Maura and Jane also helped crack the case. Maura and Jane are just gay. Logic! Works every time.

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