“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (2.03): Will you be my LLBFF?


While walking into the crime scene, Jane’s heel catches in a sewer grate and she stumbles slightly. You can put the butch in heels, but she’ll still suck at walking in heels. They find the poor unfortunate girl we saw attacked earlier, who was beaten, raped and strangled. It’s a pretty ugly scene, and I don’t just mean what Jane looks like trying to navigate her way back out of the crime scene in those shoes.

The woman came out of the Dirty Robber, which annoys Jane to no end because that’s her special place to drink and have eye sex with Maura. She heads inside to check it out and Maura says she’s coming with her. When Jane asks why, Maura says, “You are not the boss of me.” You see, when you have a bossy girlfriend sometimes you have to take these strong stands on silly things. Like, “I will squeeze this tube of toothpaste any way I want. You are not the boss of me!”

Back at headquarters, there is trouble in the cafeteria. Stanley, the cranky mailman, has taken over and is apparently filtering the coffee through his socks. And no one messes with Det. Rizzoli’s coffee. Then things go from bad to Code Greaseball for Jane when Giovanni walks in with carnations and a red-velvet box of chocolates. She tries to head him off with the whole “I have a boyfriend” routine. Frankie almost blows her cover with an incredulous, “You do? … Because you’re totally gay, big sister. Totally gay.” But it seems Giovanni isn’t there for her. He’s after Maura. Different tree, still barking wrong, buddy.

Giovanni tells Maura he wants to take her out and asks if she likes Italian. Maura says she loves Italians. Hmm. Maura loves Italians. Jane is Italian. Maura loves Jane. Isn’t logic wonderful?

Back on the case, the semen found on the victim comes from a seaman (too soon?), so they drag a sailor in for questioning who claims he didn’t do it. Whenever Jane and Maura aren’t on screen together all I hear Jane saying is, “Blah blah blah, how quickly can I get back to Maura, blah blah blah.” But before they can be reunited we find out Frost’s dad is an admiral in the Navy. Also, kind of a d–k.

Later at the Dirty Robber, Maura and Jane refuse to be chased away from their date spot because of some drunken sailors. They will, however, accept fruity cocktails from drunken sailors. I don’t blame them. If you have to endure being hit on by straight men, at least get them to buy you drinks. Or mozzarella sticks. Preferably both.

The happy couple gets called away to another crime scene before they can really enjoy all of their parasoled drinks. There is another rape victim, this time still alive – but barely. Seems Frost’s dad sprung the sailor earlier that night so they’re all livid. See what I was saying about the d–k thing?

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Tags: ,